I Need Help
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 05-06-2004 - 7:58pm |
When we broke up, I was devastated. We never fought...we'd disagree and talk about stuff, but we never fought. But he has communication problems, and I guess I do too. He buries things, and I am afraid to say things that are negative, in case he might leave me again. He left me because of pressure from his family, combined with stress in the rest of his life. He said I "betrayed" him, even though I didn't do anthing...honestly, I didn't.
He is a bit jealous, and controlling, but that is not the problem. It is minor. When we were together before I was so happy and I loved him so much. I still love him, but I find myself thinking all the time that I have to leave him. In the back of my head I think I might be afraid he'll leave me. But mostly I am thinking that he hurt me so badly when he broke up with me, that I don't know how to let it go. HE was my first love, my only love, and I trusted him with all my heart, and he broke my trust and my heart. Then he says he made a mistake and NOW he wants to try to work on his issues? I cannot love so innocently again, and I am afraid that I will not be able to work through this. I don't want to lose him....but sometimes I don't know if I love him and I just want to run away. I think that it is just fear...and stress. I am a student and I work a couple of jobs, and I have a lot going on in my life. I don't want to leave him out of stress and fear, and then regret it (which is what he did) but I am worried that I won't be able to handle this.
He and I have talked about things. After we broke up we talked a lot about it all...I asked him why he did it and all that. Since we got back together we mostly talk about the future...and how I don't trust him fully...but nothing too specific. It was a bad time in our lives and its like we are afraid to go back and revisit it, though I know that thats what we have to do if this is to work.
As I write this, I feel a wave of love for him washing over me. I love him. He isn't perfect, but I love him. And I want to make this work. There are other things too...his family for one, but I need to deal with one thing at atime, and find out if I am able to deal with this.
I don't know if this makes sense, but any words of advice or wisdom would really help me out right now. I know what I have to do...I have to talk to him. I am just not sure how to say it...I don't want to blame him. He did what he thought he had to...and he loved me, or he wouldn't have decided it was worth fighting for (even if he decided that 6 months "too late" :(
Has this ever happened to anyone else? Is it normal for me to feel this way, or is it a sign that its over? What should I do...how should I talk to him about this without hurting him. I don't want there to be any bitterness between us. I don't want to think of the past each time I look at him. He was never mean to me, even when we broke up...he just wasn't there anymore, and it broke my heart. And I learned to stand without him again...and now I am afraid!
What do you think?
Thanks
Rose

'Then he says he made a mistake and NOW he wants to try to work on his issues?'
What exactly is he doing to work on the issues?
Yes you do need to talk to him. FOr a relationship to work you need healthy communication.
Also you say his controlling ways and jealousy aren't much of an issue but those can only get worse if he doesn't nip it in the bud now.
And the family- I assume their feelings about your relationship haven't changed. How will that affect your relationship and what will stop him from leaving you again if they put the pressure on. Do they know you are back together?