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I need help
| Fri, 01-02-2004 - 12:37am |
Well this is about my relationship with a very close friend of mine. I feel like I've been stabbed in the back and I don't know what to do. We've been friends for about five years and grown very colse in that time. She moved about 1500 miles away in Aug. but we remained in touch. She came back for Christmas and has hung out with myself and a few of my friends a couple of times. One of these friends happens to be a guy that I am quite fond of. Her first night in town she met all of these friends and asked if I like the guy because if not she was going to try to hook up with him. I told her that I wasn't looking for anything serious but I did like him and asked her not to do anything with him. A few nights later I was with those same friends and he kissed me I ended up staying the night it didn't lead to anything serious just the kissing. When I told her about this she was excited for me. Well last night, New Year's Eve, she was with me all night and insisted that she go everywhere that I went. We started the night at this guys house went to a couple other places and then went back to this guys intending to stay the night. Well after we had been back for about an hour I look over and she is sitting right next to him rubbing his leg she noticed that I saw her and quit. A little bit later the same thing happened. A little while after that I looked over and she was playing with his belt at that point I felt really disrespected and decided to leave when I asked if she wanted a ride home she said she would get one in the morning. I left knowing full well that her intentions were to sleep with him and maybe that was a mistake. She did end up sleeping with him and now of course tells me she feels terrible about it. She doesn't want this to be the end of our friendship but she is going back home on Sunday and I know if we don't resolve this before then it will be the end of our friendship. I feel like I've been betrayed and I don't know how to handle this. Should I forgive her? And if so how is that supposed to happen in three days. I just don't know what to do. Please give me some advice.
Thank you.
weegadge

Please forgive my speling. I wish you the best in your decision to keep this person in your life and wish you the best of friendships.
On the other hand, if this was an isolated incident, you have to find out what her motivation was. Only then can you figure out if you can save this relationship.
This was a very sh!!!y thing to do, and I'm sorry it happened to you. Good luck.
I have had friends in the past with questionable judgement, but ultimately, I've found that their lack of respect and their ability to pursue a good time at the expense of others, was not something I wanted in a long-term friendship.
Be friends at a distance, but know who she is and the kind of havoc she can reek.
Peace - Pebbles
i agree with pebbles! i think its part of the "growing up" process (no matter how old we are, lol!) sometime we can remain friends with old friends/relatives/siblings even tho we may question their morals/loyalty and sometimes we just can't. however, you need to undertand that if you DO continue to be her friend, you really CAN'T trust her. and she will be a different kind of friend.
sorry this had to happen to you - you sound like a nice person and good luck to you
Well, first of all I don't think we can tell you whether or not you should forgive her, we can tell you what we would do in that situation, and we can help you make the decision, but the only one that should decide whether or not to forgive her is you.
The first thing I would suggest is that you not put this deadline on forgiving her.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
CL Ask A Guy
If I were in your shoes, I'd part on friendly terms, and let the friendship peter out. It is a long distance friendship, so maybe when there is distance between you, you can work out how much this friendship is worth to you.
You have been disrespected by this "friend". Her behavior was awful,
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
Weegadge
You were.
::I left knowing full well that her intentions were to sleep with him and maybe that was a mistake.
Personally, I think you made the right decision - you walked away. You gave her the choice and she made her choice. The guy, sex, a fling (whatever) over you.
::She did end up sleeping with him and now of course tells me she feels terrible about it.
Oh, she feels so terrible....sorry I don't buy it. She's only unhappy because of how you feel, guilty because she knows she betrayed you. She stepped in, took over, backstabbed you, didn't leave the party with you, stayed with him, and now that she's had her O, she also wants to have the friendship remain in tact....I think not. In the *friendship garden* this weed (her) needs to be pulled and removed from your life.
She did what she wanted to do. She has no loyality to you as a friend. She also has no integrity.
::She doesn't want this to be the end of our friendship
Then she shouldn't have betrayed you, period.
::I feel like I've been betrayed and I don't know how to handle this. Should I forgive her?
NO, NO, NO, IMO
::And if so how is that supposed to happen in three days.
Getting over the anger and pain of her betrayal will take longer than three days. You will have to grieve for the person you thought she was, reconcile it with the person you really know her to believe now after what she did. You will have to determine if remaining friends with her is in your best interest. Like will you be able to confide in her, share with her, be around her without feeling anger?
My best to you in deciding what is important to you.
Carrie