I need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
I need help
9
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 2:31am

I am on a quest to figure out what goes on in a girls mind.. A while ago i found a semi offensive pic of this guy who edited and sent a pic of my gf to her. It wasnt sexual but it was offensive. Right there, I told my gf i dont like such kind of stuff and the people she is friends with. Now, yesterday I found some provocative chat trancripts of my gf talkin to the same guy (who has a gf).. When i confronted her, she said he has been friends with him for 5 years and they just joke around like this all the time. Here's some of it to get an idea:

guy
Today at 12:58pm
oh yeah? what positions did we try in this dream of yours?

gf
Today at 12:59pm
lol...it was all unimaginable ones lolloll....it gave me hot flashes...got up in the middle of the night...found myself touching myself...

guy
Today at 1:02pm
18 days until wild and crazy sex all over your apartment!! Should I bring any toys??

gf
Today at 1:03pm
omg..NO..i think we'd be enough...lol..

gf
Today at 1:16pm
i knowww righttt..me tooo..i am soo hornyy..goshh..i need to go homeee...yeahh but lets just leave it to the weekend nowww.....talk to you later have a good rest of your day...enjoy!!

I dont know if what she says is to believe or she is already planning to cheat on me. I trust her but I dont know anymore since ours is a long distance relationship.

I dont know what do anymore. Do girls (w/ bf's) often chat w/ their guy-friends like this? I know i dont, but everyone is different. Is this something that can be considered normal? Is this cheating? We are already on our break to think about our future so this is not helping much.

Any advice would be much appreciated!




Edited 7/17/2007 8:43 am ET by nit11
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-16-2007
In reply to: nit11
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 2:55am
This is pretty explicit. I have a lot of male friends that I talk to on IM. The ones who had "benefits" would occasionally get talked to like that. It's a bad sign.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
In reply to: nit11
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 4:50am

Dude.. I'd be worried. I don't talk to any men like that unless I am having (or going to have) a sexual relationship with them. How did you get access to this conversation if you are long distance?

Perhaps you should let this relationship go and seek one that is closer to home? Long distance relationships are incredibly difficult and require a lot of trust - doesn't sound like you are trusting your girlfriend - and for good reason.

Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
In reply to: nit11
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 4:56am
Its very long distance now bacause I am traveling for work, but once i get back I will still be a few hours drive aways from her.. I got those because I am very sneaky and I know i invaded her privacy, which is completely wrong.. but i had my reasons from before.


Edited 7/17/2007 5:14 am ET by nit11
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
In reply to: nit11
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 10:32am

No... people that respect themselves and their relationships don't have those kinds of messages with other people or "just" friends. If you are in an exclusive and committed relationship yes that is cheating. If you are broken up or just dating then no that wouldn't be cheating.

Snooping was wrong, but you said you had reason from before? You don't trust her, (with good reason sounds like) so let her go, find someone that you can trust. You can't change her, the only one you have control over is yourself. So if you don't want to have a relationship with someone you can't trust, then do yourself a favor and forget about her.
Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: nit11
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 12:45pm

Welcome to the board nit11,


Sorry, these kinds of conversations between friends would be totally

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
In reply to: nit11
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 1:06pm

wow. am so confused. so now i found out that the guy does not have a gf. he is single. however she still insists it was all jokes and she was playing around and I take everything too seriously. And since we are on a break, she thinks its acceptable; however when we went on a break; i made sure to mention that the break is for us to fig. out our mistakes and not go exploring outside. i just dont know anymore what to do coz i really love and care abt her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: nit11
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 1:09pm
Sorry, I'd break it off with her.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2005
In reply to: nit11
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 2:07pm

ITA with itwinflame. It's time to let her go. She's really pulling your leg and must think your really dense to try to get you to believe that it's a joke. He even gave a day. What was it, he basically said "whoo hoo in 12 days we'll finally get together and have a chance to do everything we've talked about." I've never spoken to a person like this unless I was planning on getting physical with them and I'm a very open minded and flirty person...I'd never do that and claim it platonic.

Wait...I do know one person who chatted like this and then claimed it was a joke...that was my husband and it turns out he was not only chatting like that but acting those things out. So, I've heard the same thing and it was no "joke". Get out while this is fresh in your mind. You deserve more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
In reply to: nit11
Tue, 07-17-2007 - 3:31pm

i agree with cl and others.

you aren't even in a reationship (break)....leave it broken...walk away.