I need help dealing with my husband!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
I need help dealing with my husband!!!!
7
Wed, 03-28-2007 - 11:21pm
My husband and I got married when we found out i was pregnant. We were 17. Things were okay but we have always fought alot. We moved away from all my family for a better job(so I thought) with his moms boyfriend. It turned out she hated me and well she screwed with me in every way she could. But this is not about her. After about 8 months of living in the new town and dealing with emotional abuse from his mother (and him being manipulated) I left. The night i left he was drunk. We got into a fight and he said he was going to the gas station. When he came back he had his mother with him. She walked into my home and grabbed my son out of my arms and left with my husband. They took my child from me. I convinced him to come back the next day and then i took off. Soon afterward he left our apartment which we signed a lease for. I moved in with my mom and got a job at a collection agency. He came to the town I was in and we started trying to work things out. Soon afterward i got a paper in the mail saying I needed to pay for the lease or they were turning it into collections. I will lose my job if I get turned into collections. So I called them and set up a $400 a month payment plan. The just of it is I am paying all of our old bills and my new ones and i take care of my son on my own. He wont give me a dime. He is very controlling and he never lets me talk. He is also selfish and self centered. He wont help me at all and he insist that if i move back in with him things will be better. Its been 5 months since i left him and i am not sure what to do. i need help financially but he wont help me unless we put our money together and move back in together. Help!!!! p.s. I make more money than him.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 11:18am

Welcome to the board aidans_mommy_tasha,


Your husband sounds like he is verbally and mentally abusive to you and very controlling. In my personal opinion, I think you should file for divorce and try to it primary custody of your son and get child

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2007
Thu, 03-29-2007 - 1:23pm

Hello,

You say "we signed the lease". Are both of your names on this lease? If so, you are both liable for the bills, and you should take him to small claims court, as he would be legally responsable for a portion of the bill. Actually, since you were married, it may not matter if he signed it: you should check the laws in your state.

Also, I agree with the previous poster: your husband sounds extremely controlling. He should absolutely be helping with bills for your son,and from the former apartment. Holding the fact that you won't move back in with him over your head as a reason for not helping to support his wife and son is awful.

Either way, chin up. Can you get a loan or help from a family member with the bills in the meantime?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2007
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 3:51am
Your husband can't choose not to support his child. He is required by law to do so. Contact your local YWCA and tell them your problem. They can help you deal with the abuse you are experiencing, as well as get you in touch with legal services that you can afford. You are allowing yourself to be victimized by your husband and his family. You have to gain control of the situaton.
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-30-2007 - 10:07am

You have been and perhaps still are in a frightening, abusive relationship. Do not go back to this man under any circumstances. Instead, you should immediately get yourself psychological, and legal help with how to deal with this situation. It is tricky and there are lots of aspects to it. Don't try to handle this on your own. Get in touch with a group, support system or counselors for abused women. He and his mother's behavior was horrible and dangerous. And, also,you must find out how to handle the financial mess he's put you in. There are legal questions at stake here. You must protect yourself in the right ways, and need to find out, as I said, both legally and psychologically.

Things will not be better if you return and allow him to abuse you further. Things will only be better if you get the proper guidance, help and support. This guy is trouble. He needs to understand what's going on in his life and to get professional help as well.

Take good care of yourself and your child,

Best wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 10:51am
I agree with what you are saying...The thing is that I just can not let go. I don't know why but something keeps me hanging on. I love him so much and we have been through so much together.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 12:51pm
Abusive relationships can be hard to get out of. But you need to do the right thing for you and your child. You must protect yourselves. Call your local ywca and they might have programs that can assist you such as free counseling and a shelter where you can stay. Good luck to you and please feel free to post on the board anytime.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2002
Tue, 04-03-2007 - 1:39pm

What's keeping you hanging on is the hope that one day he will change and he will love you as you hoped/dreamed/imagined. It will never happen.

If this is how treats you now, rest assured it will be worse in the future.