I need help figuring out where I stand, please help... Phone calls to another woman.
Find a Conversation
|Sun, 06-12-2011 - 8:47am|
Hello, please help me, I need words of advice.
My husband and I had a baby 8 months ago. We've been through a rough patch over the last few months, dealing with a certain breakdow of our communication, due tu resentment and anger. Both of us were hurt by feeling rejected and unlvoed by the other. However, both of us seem to have a genuine love and affection for one another and it seems that we have been able to overocme our emotional challenges without loosing our mutual love and without turning away from each other.
But, a few weeks ago I desiced to go over his monthly phone records and I discovered that there is one number, that he calls and texts very frequently. I checked in his phone and yes, it is a woman. I have no idea who she is, other that she is his co-worker, maybe even supervisor. He workes security in a huge casino with nearly a 1000 employees, where he speaks and socializes wih many people.
I started obsessively checking the call records several times a day and I even went several months back. The phone calls started las November - as if maybe that woman started working with him then, or he just met her. The phonecalls and texts are pretty random, usually during the day, when he's at work.
He doesn't go out on his own without me very frequently, but there were two instances, where he called her also while he was out - supposedly in a sports bar watching a game. Looking at time when he called her, he must have been pretty drunk, because that's how he kame home shortly - maybe an hour after. I imagine, that - as is his talkitive nature - he's standing outside the bar smoking, making phonecalls to friends, as is his habit. One of these two instances was when he went out afterwe argued and he was pretty mad at me. Regardless, I deduced, that he couldn't have met with her there, as between the time he was calling her and when he came home (maybe and hour or two) he made several other lenghty phonecalls to other (male) friends.
I also cought three text messages on his phone (usually he deletes his texts almost instantly), one to her saying "Good morning lovely. I missed you at work yesterday", and herreply "I worked at the hotel yesterday" and then another one from her - yesterday, when it was his birthday and him and I and several of his friends were going to go celebrate. It just stated "Have fun tonight."
This is driving me crazy. I don't know what to make of it. Is she JUST an co-worker? A friend with no ill will? Although the phone calls and texts are not regular and awfully frequent (about maybe once every 3 or 5 days), afterme, she is the most called number from his phone.
What should I think? How should I wrap my head around it? I'm not a very confrontational person. I'm affraid of asking him, because than he would accuse me of snooping on him and if he's innocent, I think I would offend and anger him greatly. Calling or texting the woman seems equaly at risk of back-firing on me, plus ten I might look like an idiot to everyone... Asking anybody else - like his friends - about who she is? Seems equally stupid... :-(
I've worked with my husband in the past, and I kow that he has this charming, socializing nature. He would compliment and talk nicely to women of all ages - the ones that could be his grandma as well as the really young and attractive ones. I always took it as him just being that kind of friendly,charming guy and somewhat of a flirt, but never really in a serious way, other then just a friendly conversational way... Am I naive?
I love my husband very much and he reasures me day and night, that he loves me very much too. He's (especialy now after our crisis has just past) very attentive and loving towards me (and the baby, of course). And he periodically assureds me, that there are no other women in his life, that he never has and is not intending on cheating on me.
I had to write this down and I would apreciate any kind of input, as I really currently don't have anyone around me that I would feel comfortable discussing this with... I need to gain some perspective and sort this out in my head. Because I feel like it's driving me crazy and I have been swept and tormented by different emotions for days now...
Please help, I'll apprecite your imput.