I need help with my feelings
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I need help with my feelings
| Tue, 10-21-2008 - 10:32am |
Hey I've been married a little over a year now and have a baby boy who's almost three months old and I find my self wondering if maybe their is someone out their who would understand me better than my husband. I'm not sure what to do. I love him but I'm not sure I'm in love with him. I find my self reluctant to cuddle and let him just kiss on me afraid that all he wants to do is have sex with me. I see him and yeah I love hugs and just laying their with him but he usually expects more from it. Not only that but I'm 19 and I feel like my life has been stolen I never got to do all the fun things and often find my self blaming him for that even though I was the one who said yes. I don't know what to do or exactly how to explain my self but I feel at times as if leaving him would be best but I don't want to hurt him so I keep holding on as much as I can which makes me bitchy towards people a lot because I'm not happy at home. Then at times I feel so in love with him that it's not even funny and it hurts because I don't know my self t all what I want. I'm just so confused.


It sounds as though a lot has happened in your life in a short time. You're married and have a baby and are only 19. It's natural to have lots of feelings that are confusing and conflict with one another. Even though you love him a lot, you may also want to be free and have time to do all the things you feel you missed out on. Yet, you are married and do have a child. There is a way to be happy in your situation and work things out so that you can have a good marriage, enjoy being together, and also arrange to have time to grow yourself, to do things for yourself, to develop and have free time. This will be a balancing act, but it can be done. First of all though, I strongly recommend that you find a really good therapist, counsellor who can help you work through all your mixed feelings, and deal with the pressures in your life. I dont think you can do this alone. These feelings come and go and many are unconscious. It's very important for you to get some professional help with this, and also work together with your therapist to create balance in your life, so you don't feel that all has been stolen from you and you don't exist anymore. It is possible to have a fulfilling happy life, to grow and develop and also be in a happy marriage and be a good mom. It's challening but it can be done.
All best wishes,
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Welcome to the board goddess_akeema,
Here's some reading material to consider:
Are You The One For Me? Barbara DeAngelis
Relationship Rescue by Phil McGraw
Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman
His Needs, Her Needs by Dr. Willard F. Harley Jr
A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman