I need real, honest advice
Find a Conversation
| Thu, 04-12-2007 - 7:47pm |
I don't really know which board to post this on so I just picked one! I hope I get a lot of responses because I need some insight.
A year ago me and the father of my son split because we just had nothing left. The romance was gone, he took me for granted, we were friends living under the same roof and we needed a break. In the process of getting over one another we both started relationships and they ended after a short period. We did things together with our son and stayed civil through all of this hoping that some day we would find our way back to each other....That's the short version of our history.
Now here we are a month ago deciding we want to give it a go, slowly. Well that didn't happen. We spent the last month with each other every night at his place sometimes and at mine on other nights. I really feel like I am falling back in love with him and thought things were great....then BOOM! He needs a break because he is unsure of his feelings. Now I think we just moved too fast. It was back the way things used to be...living together and comfortable.
I am devestated. I want this to work more than anything in this world now I am scared that he can never love me again. We are having a family day on Saturday and then going out just the two of us in the evening to talk. I am really hoping that if we truly "date" like a couple who just met, maybe he can get excited about our relationship and fall in love again. But I'm so scared. I mean, if he is unsure now, is it really possible for us to take it slow and really make our family work or am I living in a fantacy world. SO and I were together for three years prior to our split and were really happy for a long time. Our financial problems really got the better of us and we grew apart.
It is so hard to define "dating" when you have a child. I am thinking hang out on weekends, family stuff and all and do dinner together a couple times a week and still spend time apart so he can get excited about seeing me again and miss me.
Does anyone think this can work? I know I need to back off and give him his space, but I just want my family back. We are such great parents and have such a great child...I know my feelings are still there and I truly hope he can feel the same!
Sorry this is so long....I am just so scared of losing him.
Nikki

Welcome to the board nikki,
You said that your financial problems got the best of you. Are either of you doing anything to improve your finances? Have they gotten any better? Would the two of you be willing to go to couples counseling together?
It might be helpful to make a list of problems standing in the way of your relationship working out and also come up with some solutions to those problems.
You probably should limit your contact to every other night or so right now until you get things figured out.
Good luck to you.
glitter-graphics.com
Hi Nikki ... Have you considered couple's counseling? To really get to the root of whatever problems you had before... and though your feelings are well-established, perhaps he needs to REALLY figure out if he's ready to settle down.
Secondly, though I agree with taking things slowly ... I really don't think two people with an established history can start from square one and "just date" ... I mean, dating is a process of getting to know another person ... you guys already KNOW each other ... therefore, things like << so he can get excited about seeing me again and miss me >> .... that type of stuff is associated with the initial HIGH of getting to know someone, that "getting excited" feeling is part of a new relationship.
That doesn't mean that you can't still be excited about each other ... but, what you're describing is part of the whole infatuation process ... and I really don't think a couple can turn back the hands of time and repeat that part of it.
So, not to burst your bubble ...but, I don't that part of it is realistic. Forget the notion of going backward to "just dating" ... and instead, think of it as taking the relationship slowly, working out the kinks, communicating, and give each other adequate space, etc.
I hope this helps ....