i need to save my marriage
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i need to save my marriage
| Wed, 12-31-2003 - 4:59pm |
ive been with the same man for almost five years. We have been married 1 1/2 years. I met him in a very unhappy time in his life and picked up the pieces.(he was married before she cheated on him). Ive just realized that im not very happy. I think subconsciencly longer than i knew. He loves me and I love him im just not sure if im in love with him. He told me that i was the center of his universe and i dont really know if i want to be. I dont know if i want to be alone. I know i want to finish college (im 23 yrs old). He said that he doesnt know how he can go through something like this again. I told him i wasnt cheating on him. Im just very confused. I dont know if i should have gotten married in the first place. I need some advice big time

hugs, sorry you are so sad.... you want some advice - here is some advice:
first of all - if you are not sure that you are going to stay in this marriage - please make sure that you are taking BC so that you don't bring a child into this mess.
second - are you sad in your MARRIAGE or in your LIFE? sometimes its hard to know the difference. sometimes we are frustrated with our lives in general, but we don't know what we need/want. so we think: "if i just then all will be well". is there something specific that you are unhappy with IN THE MARRIAGE - money, sex, violence?
if you are not sure - try a few sessions with a therapist.
He told me i was his reason for getting up in the morning. I dont want to be the center of his universe. Is that wrong?
What else does he have going on in his life. Is he happy at work, school, with friends, hobbies, etc? What about you?
As for him saying you are his world, that is a very scary thing for someone to hear who feels her world is pretty sh!!!y. You can't even hold your own world together, much less his. So let him know that when he says that you get scared and uncomfortable.
you have taken an important step by
Yes, you can most certainly be in love with your husband and question whether or not you are.
James
janderson_ny@yahoo.com
CL Ask A Guy
However, it sounds like you have a good husband. I think a lot the women hear would love dearly to have a husband like yours.
I suggest that you should go to therapy and to marriage counselling.
Don't screw up a good thing.
And my wife is my world too.
Reading material to consider:
A Couple's Guide to Communication, John Mordechai Gottman
Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix
Learning to Love Yourself: Finding Your Self-Worth, by Sharon Wegscheider Cruse
How to Succeed at Being Yourself: Finding the Confidence to Fulfill Your Destiny, by Joyce Meyer
How to Raise Your Self-Esteem, Nathaniel Brandon
Have him read a few of these with you....being someone's reason to get up in the morning, read that them depending on you for their happiness is a huge burden. Happiness comes from within, not from another person, place or thing.
Since you are in college, check into the free counseling available on campus.
Carrie