I need some advice
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I need some advice
| Sat, 01-24-2004 - 11:49pm |
I'm 25 years old and I have been living with my fiance for three years now-he's 26. We are getting married in Oct. of this year. For the most part the first couple years of our relationship was pretty normal and happy. I would have never suspected him of being unfaithful to me because he never really gave me any reason to. About a year and a half ago a woman that he used to have a crush on, but never dated, started working with him. I never thought much of the situation until he started talking about her more frequently-this was around spring of '03. And then she started to call the apartment, mostly when I wasn't there. She'd call every day(I would see on the caller id), sometimes she'd leave messages. He works at night so he's home during the day while I'm at work. I confronted my boyfriend and he assured me that nothing was going on and that he would not discontinue their relationship just because I was insecure. I was very hurt by this because I felt that he was choosing her over me. I tried to convince myself that everything had to be o.k. because it wasn't like he was he was trying to hide it and I didn't want to seem like a jealous freak so I laid low on the situation for awhile. Then she showed up at the apartment one day when I was off. When he came back in the apt he was acting so nice to me, as if he were in trouble. He told me that sometimes she stops over, especially if something happened at work. Again I told him how I felt about the whole situation, but again he blew it off. I cried myself to sleep for weeks, because I was so frustrated that I couldn't get my point accross to him. She stopped calling for a week at one point, I asked him why that was and he said that he's been blowing her off because of me. But of course it started again. Throughout this whole time I was just trying to figure out if my feelings were valid or if I was just over reacting. I tried putting myself in his shoes, and of course I wouldn't want him to tell me who I can or can't talk to, but I also don't have the desire to be as good of friends with another man as he is with her. So once more I told him that I couldn't take it anymore. This was probably around Nov.-And she stopped calling for good. So I figured that I had finally gotten through to him. But...in Jan. he got a new cell phone and I didn't really think much about it, but she probably calls him on that. What is most disturbing though is what I found today-I was looking for something in his closet (which has some of my stuff in it) and noticed that there were locks on his suitcase which weren't there before (this definitely intrigued me and I couldn't help myself). I ended up prying open one of the locks and inside I found leather skirts, leather pants, lingere, patent leather thigh high boots, underwear, wigs, and sex toys. All of this stuff I have never seen before, and none of it was close to my size...so whose stuff is it, and why does he have it? It just totally creeps me out, right now I feel as if I don't even know him. I don't know how to confront him about this, just because I know he's going to come up with some off the wall story, but I also know I have to. I haven't caught him cheating on me, but my gut is so strong. Any advice or outakes on the situation would be helpful.

personally - cutting thru all the drama here - it sounds like NEITHER of you are ready for marriage, at least not with each other, right now.
YOU don't trust him - with or without "justification" - the fact that there is lack of trust means that you can' t possibly build a healthy marriage with him. is it just "him" that you don't trust, or do you have a