I need some advise!
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I need some advise!
| Sun, 05-23-2004 - 10:17pm |
I am new here...but I need some advise from those who do not know me.
Here is the situation:
I am divorced from my second husband (about 4 years now - because I had lost a child and did not feel he was there for me and also accused him of having an affair) and ever since the divorce, we actually have been still seeing each other, trying counseling and me forgetting all the bad things. (we live about an hour away from each other) I have 2 kids and so does he, both have custody, and kids get along great. My home has a room for his kids and we don't go to his place much because of me being ??selfish?? When we lived in his town, we seperated and he had a relationship with a woman. He claims they only kissed and talked on the phone and email. But it did get emotional, as she thought about what it would be like to be his wife someday (he tells me). Now, to tell you more..it took him 2 years to admit this ever happened, so he lied to me saying I was crazy and should have never moved out...until he could not handle the guilt anymore. But, I forgave him as much as I could and we moved on.
Things have been better, yet he is very jeolous and I guess I am not trusting of him either. But we do have love, I love his children and he mine. We are compatiable with each other and like to do the some of the same things.
I have now purchased a home and invited him into it and wanted to commit again and begin a relationship/marriage all over. But he always puts this off. He tells me all these excuses like his older boy does not want to go to a different school and he can't move because of his job and his first wife will not allow him to move...I have tried to come up with other solutions such as moving in between and that is still not an option. I am being the one who is refusing to move back with him and in that town because I honestly am still not over all the deceit. I don't like to go there, the town is small, and he no longer has our home, he is renting a small one (yes, I have a lot of excuses too).
Can someone give me advise on if I should continue this? Sometimes, I do not feel like it is healthy and yet, my kids love this guy and I feel guilty having them loose him too...
any thoughts???
Here is the situation:
I am divorced from my second husband (about 4 years now - because I had lost a child and did not feel he was there for me and also accused him of having an affair) and ever since the divorce, we actually have been still seeing each other, trying counseling and me forgetting all the bad things. (we live about an hour away from each other) I have 2 kids and so does he, both have custody, and kids get along great. My home has a room for his kids and we don't go to his place much because of me being ??selfish?? When we lived in his town, we seperated and he had a relationship with a woman. He claims they only kissed and talked on the phone and email. But it did get emotional, as she thought about what it would be like to be his wife someday (he tells me). Now, to tell you more..it took him 2 years to admit this ever happened, so he lied to me saying I was crazy and should have never moved out...until he could not handle the guilt anymore. But, I forgave him as much as I could and we moved on.
Things have been better, yet he is very jeolous and I guess I am not trusting of him either. But we do have love, I love his children and he mine. We are compatiable with each other and like to do the some of the same things.
I have now purchased a home and invited him into it and wanted to commit again and begin a relationship/marriage all over. But he always puts this off. He tells me all these excuses like his older boy does not want to go to a different school and he can't move because of his job and his first wife will not allow him to move...I have tried to come up with other solutions such as moving in between and that is still not an option. I am being the one who is refusing to move back with him and in that town because I honestly am still not over all the deceit. I don't like to go there, the town is small, and he no longer has our home, he is renting a small one (yes, I have a lot of excuses too).
Can someone give me advise on if I should continue this? Sometimes, I do not feel like it is healthy and yet, my kids love this guy and I feel guilty having them loose him too...
any thoughts???

Welcome to the board!
There is one common thread I read here...nothing about how you feel about this man besides negativity. Nothing about you loving him, and only about his kids. Where are you in all this, besides you won't move back to the town?
-amy- "CL-fiesty"