I need some answers
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I need some answers
| Wed, 06-09-2004 - 10:54am |
My bf and I have been living together for the past year with his mother. We rented a 2 bedroom apartment and split everything 3 ways. The lease on the apartment is up August 1 and some decisions have to be made concerning where we are moving because his mother is not moving with us this time. A few months ago, he suggested that he move with his dad and I with my mom so we could save money. I nixed the idea and last week we talked about getting an apartment and nothing came up about moving in with our parents again until today. I am quite upset about this as I attend college full time and can't move back in with my mom since her place is to small and my dad lives out of state. My bf is worried he can't afford the rent which of course will be higher since it would be split in half instead of 3 ways. I don't know what to do. It seems like its always about money. He has a good job and I pay my own way so I don't know what the problem is here. His work was slow during the winter months and he got behind on some of his bills while he was collecting unemployment. Any help or suggestions on how to approach this would be greatly appreciated. The way he told me was by text messaging me on my cell phone.
Thanks for any help

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Sit down with him and talk to him honestly. It might even help for you guys to write down lists of what you each think are the pros and cons of moving in together solo this time. What he lists might surprise you. But in order for this to work, you have to make him feel comfortable being honest with you. I wanna warn you...you may not like some of the things he has to say, but it's better to know the truth then be in the dark. :o)
I just said that because one thing I've learned about men is that, if they want something regardless of if they have savings to fall back on or not, 9 times out of 10 they're gonna go for it anyway. Maybe your guy is the 10th one. ;o)
Good luck!
Certainly it is upsetting to be informed of a change like this via email. It sounds like he if afraid of sitting down and really discussing what's going on. Perhaps he is not ready for such a committed relationship and wants time to live separately. Often money is used as an excuse or cover for other issues which a person feels. He may not even be aware of this. You are both in college and it would be natural at this time of life to want to be on one's own, and have time to grow that way. You need to sit down with him and have an open, honest discussion, not only about money, but about his feelings about the relationship - Does he want to continue living together? Is he asking for space? As I said, he may not even be aware of his deeper feelings. You also have to decide what you want to do about the relationship from here on in. He is certainly not taking your feelings or needs into consideration here. Talk it over carefully. Perhaps it's time for you to find a different roommate yourself.
Best wishes.
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