I need someone to talk to

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
I need someone to talk to
4
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 12:38am
Well, here goes.I will try to make this short but include as much info as I can. Back in 2000 I caught my boyfriend talking online with girls. Now, before that, i truelly trusted him. But, for some reason, when I saw he was talking to girls, I got litteral GUT feelings that something was not right, and that they were not only friend's, like he claimed. Well, I was right. One time I was under his name and a girl came on claiming to be his gf. I told her this was Jay's girlfriend and not Jay. she didnt believe me. anyway, that was that. I told Jay about it. He said he told her he woul dbe her bf cus she threatend to kill herself if he didnt. I said whatever. But A few months later he bought me a ring and we got engaged. Well, there was another girl he talked to ALL the timenamed Megan. He worked night's. Till about 12:00. RIGHT when he came home he was online with her. It did NOT feel or look right. One thing I have learned is GO with your GUT instincts. Not the jelous ones or suspicious ones. I mean teh REAL ones you get when something just does NOT feel right. He was having an online fantasy affair type thing. I emailed her and let her know about me. She wrote him an email saying goodbye. I THOUGHT it was over. After that I kept finding little thing's that suggested they still talked. A letter hidden under Jay's seat.He told me it was old. I saw his cell phone bill and there were calls from and to her. He told me she was bugging him and he was trying to get her to leave him alone. Then last year I found a check from her in his coat pocket. He told me he gave her money once and he asked her to pay him back. NOW this past Monday I woke up, Jay was gone. I went over to our closet and there was his bag on the floor with junk coming out of it. I bent to pick it upa nd there were letters from her again. Like 6 of them .All the same sick crap. I love you Jay, I cant wait to see you Jay, I want to take a trip around the world and I would love it if you came with me. Now she dont even KNOW him. And she LOVES him???? Give me aberak. Anyway, I learned from her and those letetrs that they have met. Also, from those letter,s I again asked Jay if they ever had phone sex. He said yes. He one time showed her his, errr, manhood, and he said he mooned her once. This was by the camera we have that hooks to the puter, and that was the FIRST time they talked, back in 2000. But again he TOLD me the last time they talked was over a year ago, and he no longer talked to ANYBODY, online. Oh, and he also put ads in dating sites and stuff. Another thing he told me he has not done in awhile. I found that to be a HUGE lie. I have been to some of those sites, went under his name, and they said the same crap. That he is single, has a kid but dont live with him, and is looking for love. They all said last log in dates this year. Then today I was under his yahoo name. A girl IMed him. Or me for that matter. I told her who I was. She was surprised. She told me they have been talking for 9 months. Have sent her money, and has been trying to get her to move here and that she could even live with him! I am so upset. I have been lyed to for years. I just need someone to talk to. Someone with some good advice. We have a five year old son named Rosario. I dont want him to go through us breaking up. Thanks for listening. To those of you who got this far, God Bless you LOL

AMY
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 1:48am
what kind of advice do you think you'll get from any sane woman other than:

leave him forever.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 5:56am
Take your head out of the sand, wake up and leave this relationship now. Do you want to end up with a disease and not watch Rosario grow up? Or have this bad man as a male role model? Or be really unhappy by marrying him?

There is only one solution. And that is to get out. YOu cannot control what your BF/fiance does and this is not your fault. He is unfaithful, disrespectul and will not change. And worse yet, he is doing this right under your nose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2004
Sun, 06-27-2004 - 9:18pm
Food for thought: what kind of message does it say to him if you continue to stay with him? If he hasn't stopped doing this stuff yet, it seems as though he doesn't feel as though he has anything to loose. If he realizes that his actions may cause him to not have you in his life then perhaps he will choose to get professinal help. Regardless if he does that or not, be sure that you work through your pain and hurt to make the decision to that is best for you and your son, and I can't imagine that continuing things they way they are is going to result in anything different than what has already happened. Best of Luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Mon, 06-28-2004 - 5:32am
Cheating happens on different levels, hon. If he's going to play phone tag with some other woman and accept letters, and share intimate conversations NOW, then it's only going to get worse! You risk control, disease, abuse, and a lot of wasted time - among other things. To do this right in front of you and make unbelievable excuses only proves he has absolutely no Respect for you. RUN!