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I need someone to talk to!
| Tue, 06-08-2004 - 2:37pm |
My parents and close friends are no help, so here goes...I have been with my boyfriend for a year now, and the first few months seemed like they were out of a movie. We spent every day of our summer together and had a great time getting to know each other. Once school started (I'm in college, he's in grad school) we still spent time together on the weekends and we'd at least talk to each other everyday. It seemed great and everyone kept saying how perfect we were together. However, for the past few months, it hasn't felt as such. I know that the first few months is the honeymoon period of the relationship, but he has said things to me that make me doubt what we have. One of our problems is talking about our relationship, so when he brought up a specific conversation, I was completely off guard. He asked me if I felt as if our relationship was lacking something. I agreed, but I thought it was the fact that we don't spend enough alone time together because we always hang out with friends (he doesn't like when couples are so exclusive and don't spend a lot of time with friends). He thought it was only his problem: the feelings he has for me do not match up with the person I am. He told me that he can imagine marrying me and growing old with me, but he doesn't have intense feelings for me; they come and go. Although I can definately picture marrying him (he's all I've ever wanted and more)I am not dying to marry him today..maybe in several years. He still doubts himself after all this and his feelings for me. His past relationship was turbulent...he fell in love with a girl freshman year of college and she would push him away and then beg to get together with him again, and he would fall for it. His feelings for her were intense even when they were not together. So I'm left now completely doubting his feelings for me. He doesn't know what it would feel like to be in love with me, even though he says he will always love me. Is he too damaged from his last relationship to not know love if it hit him in the face? He also said that he sometimes feels as if we are best friends and that's it. Does anyone think this stems from my troubles with being romantic? We haven't been on a romantic date in so long, maybe this is due to the fact that he thinks I don't like it, even though I do...it's just hard to express my feelings. I feel completely stuck; I don't want to lose him, it just doesn't feel right in my heart.

I don't know what you mean by being on a "romantic date"? Does this mean a date with physical intimacy, or emotional intimacy??
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he might very well only feel like you are a friend and nothing more, but on the other hand mabey because of his past relationship he's scared and dosn't want to get hurt again so hes trying to keep you at arms length. but either way it's not fair to you.
I think that if you truely love him and he loves you try to sit down and talk to him with no interuptions and tell him how you feel. Mabey he feels the same way and he's just as scared as you are, thats the best advice I could give you so give a try at lease you'll find out either way.
Good luck I hope things work out for the best