i need a womans advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
i need a womans advice
3
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 5:41pm
i have a problem knowing when my gf wants sex. i find that my gf is the one that always initiates sex and at the moment i seem to miss read the signals she puts out for me to initiate sex. we have a busy household with two teenagers and we find ourselves restricted to the bedroom. at the moment we have both stoopped drinking as much as we used to and the sex has become less frequent. but just lately our sex life has started to become more frequent with no alchol and we both feel like first timers at sex. we have been together for 1 year and this problem has only existed over the past month.

need help moose55

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Sun, 05-16-2004 - 8:16pm
My fiance has the same problem and from my end it can be very frustrating. As women, we don't always want to be the initiators when it comes to sex. I know that I find it way more exciting when my man seduces me and calls the shots in the bedroom. I actually prefer it that way but I will initiate knowing he likes that sometimes.

Anyway, there are many times where I want sex but I don't want to just say straight out, "Hey, I want sex tonite." Cuz, well, that just seems to take the excitement out of it. So I do things like I'll start to strip in front of him and I'll head into the bathroom clearly indicating that I'm going to take a 'nice HOT shower'. I light candles and I stay in that shower for up to a half an hour. He doesn't get it. I finally come out and there he is lying in bed watching tv. Other times I snuggle up to him wearing something sexy or I'll just try being sexy by the way I lie next to him or whatever. He still doesn't seem to catch on. It is very frustrating. I've learned that I just cannot be subtle. I have to be more aggressive and yes it makes it seem like I am then initiating sex.

Now, for you, try paying attention to what she wears to bed, her behavior once the door is closed and locked, how is she acting toward you? It shouldn't be that difficult to figure out at all if you know to pay special attention. And another thing, why not just initiate even if you haven't seen any signals from her? Worst thing she can do is say she's not in the mood. There isn't much more you can do outside of that. The rest is up to her in the way of communication. (ooh I just had a braistorm I and I think I'll try this idea with my man too...) Anyway, try talking about it with her and perhaps think up a private sexy little code to let the other know that they want sex but don't want to initiate. Perhaps a little phrase or something.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 3:37am
Communication is the key when it comes to mixed signals. Women dont always like being the aggressive one in the bedroom. it doesnt matter if the bedroom is the only place you can have intimate moments, spice it up some in there. you do need to talk to her and let her know that you are having a hard time reading her signals all the time because lets face it, you arent psychic. if she gets mad that you arent reading her signals then you need to talk more about things in this area. does she know that you have a television show coming on if all your doing is flipping through the channels waiting for the show? probably not and this makes her think that you dont want her. after having drinking for a period of time and then not drinking the sex will be different because when you two were drinking it just happened, but now the same ole routine is gone and now you have to invent another way to initiate sex. this is a pretty easy problem if your willing to take the initiative to solve it, at least she still wants to have sex. some couples dont have sex for various reasons. just talk to her, let her know that you want her, let her know that you have a hard time reading her signals. Become more aggressive, pick her up and put her in bed. its as easy as that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Mon, 05-17-2004 - 2:36pm
try reading Venus and Mars in the Bedroom


Or take her for a walk away from the kids and have a conversation about what kinds of signals you both send and how to read them. When I do this, it means X. When I say this, it means X. etc.


Carrie