I need Your advice

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
I need Your advice
1
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 11:24am
My male friend Mark and I are middle aged. He's been divorced 3 times, and I am just finishing a divorce. I live on my own. I have a male friend who calls me at least 4 times a day. We were romantic for a few months, 1 1/2 years ago, before I moved out, but he ended it because I was still married. I agreed it was not the right timing. Since moving out a year ago, nothing has happened between us, and he says that he really doesn't have time to have a relationship. He still has 2 college aged kids at home.

My concern is: I know he stays in contact with a woman friend. My friend (Mark)says that they were not ever girlfriend/boyfriend a few years ago, but I know they went away for a few weekends together and did stuff together. She is very close with his family (calls every day) and has recently gone with my friend to see his father who is sick. When my friend was sick this week, she asked him if she could come over and bring him dinner and he says that he said "No, you don't need to", but she came over anyways "to take care of him". Gag me! I am more respectable and knew that when you have the flu, that you just want to be left alone. Now Mark says she is going with him on Father's Day to see his dad. I asked who invited her and he said that his mom or dad did. He had told me that he told his family to stop inviting her, but they haven't. A few weeks ago, she stopped by to see him at work and asked him if she could bring him and his kids over dinner that night because he works so hard. She did. I have a sneaky suspicion that she went with him a month ago to spend the night suppossedly down at his sisters house when Marks father was in the hospital. Mark never said she was there, but it was a very strange weekend.

I am just so confused. I think I am in love with Mark.He has been the best friend I have ever had. He is the one who calls me all of the time. He has told me the truth when he see's Melanie. It is usually when I ask because something has triggered my Melanie radar! I know that I have no right to be jealous but I am! I tell Mark this! It just hits a nerve with me when they are together.

Am I wrong to think something sounds fishy??

Trudy in Ohio

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 1:00pm
Trudy...

Mark knows that you are bothered by Melanie's presence...no matter how platonic it is! So the last thing he's going to do is go into a lot of details about her. At least he's honest about her when she's around! A lot of men wouldn't even bother telling their s.o. about another woman!

Since Mark continues to phone you...there's obviously some sort of a 'bond' between you, right?

The only problem is...YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH MARK...BUT JEALOUS OF MELANIE! And Mark...seems to have some kind of affection for YOU...as well as for HER!

Would you feel better if you took a 30-day break from Mark? This way...he might be able to make a choice between Melanie and you? Of course...this could also backfire?

Jealousy is always going to screw up anything...whether it's friendship, a relationship or even a marriage. You might want to modify your behavior a little before you bail out of this? Just a thought from...

Pianoguy