I Need Your Advice, Please
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| Wed, 10-10-2007 - 9:49pm |
This summer I was seeing a very special woman. We had an unusually strong connection on many levels, and we had the most wonderful summer, along with her nine year-old son. There was so much laughter and warmth, and just a very mutually comfortable feeling. Being together simply felt very "right" for both of us.
It ended a month ago when she broke up with me after having discovered that I had lied to her about a couple of things. What made it even worse is that two weeks into the relationship, I told her I was dating another woman. She broke up with me for one day, and when we reunited, said that if we got back together, I could never lie to her again; that it was the worst thing anybody could do to her.
I won't go into why I lied to her again, except to say there were some deeply shame-based issues. Being a psychotherapist, she understood this, but since then cannot see us ever becoming a couple again because I represent too much of a danger to her since she can no longer trust me because of my disregard for her warning.
The experience has been devastating for both of us, obviously. Since the break-up we've stayed in touch. We consider ourselves friends, but we're now talking about ending our daily contact so that we can fully heal the pain.
She began dating again soon after our break-up. I'm still too devastated to date, and still think of her when I see pictures of other women. I guess I'd like to know what I can do to get her trust back if that's even possible, or what to do to make coping with the loss a little less devastating, if that's possible. Because of the strength of the connection we had, not being together has felt like going through withdrawal, and trying to accept the fact that we'll never again be a couple has been a challenge.
Any impressions would be appreciated, thanks.
Edited 10/12/2007 4:30 am ET by mr_e_steubing

1) you want to spend the rest of your life with her after knowing her for... what, a couple of months at most? That's not wise. You may have had great chemistry but that's WAY too soon to know her well enough in order to make an educated assessment. All you know is what she's shown you for a short while, and unfortunately, she knows little more about you than the fact that you are a liar.
2) Don't lie to people whose trust you value. She deserves better, and she was right to dump you. I'm sorry. You should take a lesson from this and move on. Perhaps she will feel differently for you later on, but betraying someone's trust when you barely even know one another sets a bad, and usually irrevocable, precedent.
Welcome to the board mr_e_steubling,
I don't really know if there is anything you can do to make her trust you because it all comes down to what she is feeling and her ability to trust you again. Since you lied because of some shame based issues, perhaps if you worked on those issues,
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