I pre-judged
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I pre-judged
| Fri, 10-24-2008 - 9:47am |
I think I may have pre-judged one of my boyfriends friends and now I feel really bad about it. My boyfriend and I are going away for the weekend. We're going to be near a lot of his friends and the one we usually stay with is out of town. So naturally, I wanted to know where we would be sleeping. He sorta flies by the seat of his pants in situations like this and doesn't worry about it like I do. I said I didn't care where we slept as long as it wasn't at (insert name of boyfriends friend here) house. He looked at me shocked and asked, "WHY?!" I said because I'm sure it's going to be dirty and full of beer cans and somewhat resemble a frat house and I'd just rather not. He proceeded to seem slightly offended by the comment and explained that his friends house was more clean than his own and made me feel really bad for pre-judging him when I really do barely know him and I've never been to his house. I've seen this guy piss out of trees from 20 feet in the air. I know his house tends to be the place everyone goes to party, so I just assumed it would be a gross place to sleep. I guess I was SO wrong judging on the reaction my boyfriend gave me when I said something. I apologized to my boyfriend for pre-judging his friend and he told me I shouldn't judge people before I really know them. I guess I didn't know that I ever did. Maybe I do. I feel really bad about it. I know its not a HUGE deal, but in a way I almost feel "ugly" in my boyfriends eyes now. Should I apologize again? Or should I just drop it and wait to see if it comes up this weekend when we will likely be staying at his friends house? I don't want to draw attention to something that doesn't seem to be a big deal, but I tend to worry a lot about things I probably shouldn't and I just can't help but feel like my boyfriend is disappointed in me now, after I passed judgement on his friend. Any advice?

"I apologized to my boyfriend for pre-judging his friend and he told me I shouldn't judge people before I really know them."
Sounds like this situation was resolved peacefully which is good. It was right of you to apologize.
I understand why you judged his friend, it's human to try to put two and two together - you saw his friend's behavior and matched it with what, to you, was the most probable household condition. While it's OKAY to have reservations about sleeping at the house of someone who pisses out of trees - where you went wrong was making your boyfriend feel as though you weren't open to accepting anything other than your pre-judgment.
If you feel compelled to apologize again, it's ok to say "I've been thinking about it again recently and I feel really awful about what I said regarding your friend. I'm open to staying at his house and I hope you don't think less of me."
I imagine, however, that you are thinking about this more than he.
Welcome to the board ribbit1982,
You already apologized so go have fun for the weekend. When you walk into the place make a nice comment about it (if there is a sincere one to be made) and go from there.
Let it all go. It's not such a big deal and you had some evidence for your judgment...if this guy pisses out of trees, it's not such a leap to think that he would live in a place that you would not want to sleep in. You didn't do anything so horrible. You are certainly not ugly in anyone's eyes. You had a right to check up on the place you would sleep in....Don't bring it up to your boyfriend again, it's really not so terrible. And, I do hope this place you're going to sleep in, is all you hope it will be.
Best wishes,
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