I realize it was me but I have changed

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2007
I realize it was me but I have changed
3
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 11:37am

Hi, I am looking for some advice...

My boyfriend of a little over 3 years broke up with me a little over 6 months ago. I tried to get him back for a while and I think he tried but said he just couldn't do it. He said he didn't love me any more. It is my first real relationship and we were very in love for 2 years, and then we started to have problems and things started to go downhill. I am 24 and he is 22 now, we met in college and after I graduated I stayed in town to work, mainly so i could be with him, but our schedules were different obviously since i had no homework at night or the weekends, and then 9 months later I moved home, about an hour away, so we only saw eachother on the weekends when i went up to stay with him at college.

It took me a while to realize after we broke up that most of the issues were my fault, my bad traits of being controlling, and selfish, critical, and dependent, etc (pretty much all the stuff you shouldn't do in a relationship) came out alot more when i didnt have my good friends around me (as they had graduated) and when I didn't have alot of stuff to take up my time, or was long distance, so things that didn't come up alot started to surface.

I couldn't realize it when I was with him (I was also rather stubborn and had a big need to be right all the time) But now I see those things and am completely ashamed of myself and so sad that I hurt him and ruined the relationship. I know that he loved me but I ended up driving him away though I never wanted to. I have been continously working on those issues that I have, as I know i dont want to be that way with anyone anymore. But I really want to be able to give my new self to my ex, I want him back badly and feel like it would be wonderful since I have gotten rid of my bad habits.

My question is do you think this is possible, to get someone back who loved you but you ended up driving them away, and if you do, what is the best way to go about trying. I am not sure if should try and be his friend and let my actions show how I have changed (not sure if really wants this, though he said he wouldnt mind being friends), or if I should try to meet with him and explain how I feel and how I have changed. Please let me know what you think. Thanks!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-05-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 11:41am
he broke up with you and he needs to be the one to decide that he wants to get back with you. your words will not do that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 2:19pm

He broke up with you, you should accept that he doesn't want a relationship with you. It takes a lot to say "I don't love you anymore" and I think you should take his word for it.

It might hurt a lot but it sounds as though you've learned something important about yourself and I hope that carries with you to your next relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
Wed, 08-29-2007 - 2:30pm

In a word, no.

You need to move on, learn from the experience, and apply the lessons you learned to the next guy.