I really like him, but he's hot/cold
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| Sat, 03-27-2004 - 5:09pm |
He's a good man, honest and kind. He's a widow (44 yrs old, like me). He lost his wife about 9 years ago and he's had two brief marriages since. He's the marrying kind and he's got young kids, so he wants a woman and a family. We met online and hit it off right away. He let me know everything up front about the marriages and why they didn't last. It looks like he threw himself into them too quickly without really knowing the women. He's friends with ex-wife number two and sees her a lot. Ex-wife number three appears to be leaving him alone, although she does crawl out of the woodwork here and there. He didn't have any children with these women.
His divorce from wife number 3 is pretty recent (last summer), so I know that's a factor here. But what he keeps doing is getting close and then pulling away. I have a tough job and travel a lot. He's actually woken me up in foreign lands to tell me he's ready for something serious, that he misses me so much. He's met me at the airport with wine and cheese, smothered me with kisses, and then didn't call for three days. I don't know what to do anymore. I really like the guy, but not the push and pull.
I'm about 2 years out of a relationship that was pretty painful, full of cheating, which I found out about all at once in a painful way (the wonders of snooping on the computer!). I'm not real good at the hot and cold thing because of my own insecurities. I know this guy's not running around, just hanging with his friends when I don't hear from him, drinking beer and remembering the glory days, and I know he's got lots of current stresses and is semi-bitter still about his last marriage (he was financially destroyed). I worry he looks at me as a potential life-destroyer, although I'm kind, honest and way out-earn him.
We've talked. He says he doesn't know what he wants, then he comes at me like we should get married tomorrow, tells me he wants to build me a house. Neither of us have said the "L" word, we've only been dating 4 months. I've suggested we break apart for 6 months and try again later when his life is easier and he's more settled. He says he doesn't go back to people after a break up, that there's a reason you break up and that's that. He also says he doesn't want to lose me, since he feels I'm one of the best things to ever happen to him. I think he's sincere. He doesn't have a bull sh*tting bone in his body.
He called me today, first time since Wednesday, I was out shopping, and I guess I just don't feel like calling back. As much as I have feelings for him, I'm afraid he's going to hurt me. I just feel like giving up on romance and just going to work all the time and never dating again. I'm scared! I hate feeling this way.
Any thoughts?
Thank you, oh wisdom-filled ladies!
Pee

hmmm.... frankly i would be VERY VERY careful here. there are alot of question marks, and red flags here.
first - you don't really KNOW that you know everything about his former marriages.