i really need some advice
Find a Conversation
i really need some advice
| Tue, 07-17-2007 - 6:17pm |
Me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over a year now. In the beginning things were great. I mean we had our fights and a couple break ups but other than that things were good. We saw each other everyday. But now we only see each other on the weekends. He doesn't call me even though we've talked about it alot. I've told him that it bothers me and since we don't see each other as much as we used to the least he could do is call me. But he doesn't seem to get it. I'm always the one who has to call him and he hardly ever answers. I honestly don't think he's cheating. Not because thats what I want to believe, I just don't think he is. He's always playing this stupid game on his computer, or sleeping. He quit his job not too long ago. So all he does is play his game. Even when I'm at his house. So he doesn't really pay that much attention to me when I'm there. Which is another thing we argue about alot. Since it's only one day, I figured he could live without the game. I guess not. He's obviously addicted and thats not good. And he's told me plenty of times that he's depressed. Because of things that has happend in his life and its pretty tramatic stuff. And plus he doesn't have a job right now, all he does is play his game, which I'd be pretty depressed too if thats all I did. I try to talk to him about it and I told him that I've been depressed before and the best way to deal with it is to talk about it but he doesn't want to talk about it. He likes to try to fix things himself he says. What he doesn't seem to realize is that he has a girlfriend who he needs to pay attention to. I know he loves me but for some reason he doesn't like talking about his problems. I don't know what to do anymore. And I don't exactly know the right way to talk to him about it either. And the last thing I want to do is break up with him. Especially if he really is depressed. So..help, please?

you said, he had been through some dramatic stuff in his life but you didn't specifically say what it is. so I am wondering does it have anything to do with him quitting his job? I think quitting a job w.o having another job in line or looking for another one is kinda childish to me. Unless he quits to pursue his education but he doesn't seem like it. Thats only my opinion.
Come on girl, he plays video games all day long. Do you want a boyfriend who is not going to pay attention to you? You need to have a serious convo with him. Either he gives you the time and emotional supports or else. YOU have to MAKE sure YOU are going to follow it through though.
My 2 cent is that he is using depression to cover his lack of emotional support for you. If he wasn't like this before, is there anything that could have trigger it? Maybe be the problems isn't him playing video game. maybe its because he lose his job. or maybe he feels you are being too clingy?
Well, good luck.
Ukia
You're dating a loser and expecting him to make you happy. That's not something that ever works out.
Find someone with ambitions, who is happy with the life he's earned for himself and you'll find someone who will more greatly appreciate who you are.
If you've been together a little over a year and have already had a couple of breakups, you don't have a great relationship. If you only see each other on weekends, and he isn't happy to see you then, you don't have a great relationship. If he doesn't have a job and he's not looking, then he isn't even taking care of himself, so there is no possibility that he can meet you halfway in a great relationship.
I really think you deserve a great relationship, don't you?
It does sound as though he's really depressed and actually, barely functioning. He needs professional help here. How can he give anything to you if he can't even handle his own life. You cannot help him through this. He needs therapy and possibly also some medication. The best you can do is to encourage him strongly to get the help he needs. If he won't do so, there's really nothing further you can do. At that point, and perhaps even before that, you have to ask yourself why you are staying in this situation? It's clear he cannot give you what you need as he needs a lot of help himself. It's fine to stay as a friend who wants to offer whatever help is possible, but at this time there's no point at all in expecting him to be able to give to you.
Best wishes,
Save Your Relationship: The 21 Basic Laws Of Successful Relationships
Change The Way Women Think About Men and Find Out What Men Really Think About Relationships
It's A New Day With Dr Shoshanna - Wed. 2-3 EST.
even though you made it perfectly clear that you were looking for help and advice on how to make the situation with your boyfriend better, i'm with everyone else her that says;
leave him now