I REALLY want him back...am doing things the right way?
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|Thu, 11-08-2012 - 8:51pm|
We met in 2009...he was really into me...I wasn't into to him at all--at the time--so we just became friends. He subsequently moved to a city three hours away. About 8 months later we re-connected and sparks flew. We started a long-distance relationship which we made work because we really liked each other. Our relationship never became official, however, because, at the time, I was so insecure and terrified of getting hurt that I sabotaged the relationship. He really cared about me, so he gave me so many chances. We were on and off for a while and then ultimately became just good friends. This was over the course of about two years.
So I've grown a lot since then and am in a really great place in my life. I'm finally happy and have learned to love myself. So we re-connected on a more romantic level back in September of this year. I went to visit him a few times and we just hung out (no sex, just cuddling and the like). A few weeks ago, I told him that I was sorry for everything I did in the past and that I am ready to try again--this time without the drama. He told me he is open to trying again. I left him alone after that--I didn't want to seem forceful--and about two weeks later (about a week and a half ago), he invited me to spend Thanksgiving with him and his roommates. I'm so happy, excited and grateful about this, but now I just want to make sure I don't screw it up!
So here are my questions:
First: Am I handling this okay so far? Since I opened up about wanting to try again, I've been giving him his space to come around on his own (i.e.: not initiating contact, etc.). Is this the best way for me to go about it? We hardly communicate at all--no phone calls or "just because" texts--and I want to know that this is normal and that I'm doing the right thing by letting him figure things out without pushing him in one direction or the other.
Second: What are other ways I can facilitate him coming around? Or behaviors/actions I can show him to make him feel comfortable to open up and realize that there truly is a safe place next to me? My goal isn't to rush or push him in one way or the other, I want to come around on his own. I just plan on being the new wonderful me and let him figure out that I've changed as he experiences it. I know it's going to take time for the wounds to heal and for him to fully trust me and open up again.
Third: How do I deal with the blinding uncertainty until he comes around? I feel so insecure about where we stand and I go back and forth between feeling good about us to feeling very uneasy...like maybe he doesn't want me and he's just being polite by inviting me to visit for Thanksgiving. It's driving me insane! I just wish he would ask me to be his girlfriend already, but a part of me feels like maybe he'll change his mind about me to find someone "better." I don't know, sometime I just don't feel like men see me as being "good enough" even though I know for myself that I am.
Any advice you can give will be so appreciated!