I really want to trust him & not crazy!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2007
I really want to trust him & not crazy!
2
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 7:22pm
I dont really know how to explain it. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 years now and I love him so much. The problem is, well I just cant trust him anymore. I really want to learn to trust him but I cant! Well 5 months into our relationship this girl that he worked with was after him and things just started to get rocky. First she seemed cool and just acted like a friend but then she really started to go after him. She called him everynight, she invited him everywhere and told him how sexy he was! I was really not cool with that. He told me not to worry about it and I just couldnt help but get jealous! One night he even went to her house to look at her kids pictures without telling me. I asked him the day after he went if he ever went there and he said no. I asked again two weeks later and he fianlly told me. I know he didnt do anything with her because he is really religous when it comes to sex but I still didnt like it. A month after that, he told that girl he wants nothing to do with her and ended it. I started to trust him until my ex-best friends little sister got into the picture and tried to pull us apart. She started to tell him so many lies about me and he got confused and didnt know who to trust. You would think he would trust the girl he was with since he didnt even know her that well..THEY TALKED ONLINE! He completely killed me when he went to her families BBQ at her house. I finally forgave my ex-bestfriend and her sis . I forgave him too...but I never forgot! I cant trust any of them. They told me so many horrible things I couldnt belive my ears!! The girls told me he went to their house twice and when i asked him he told me yes. My boyfriend and I are both 21 and He went over a 18 year old girls house! I like mature relationships and I hate drama! I just want to be able to trust him again! I know for a fact he never cheated on me but it sucks when he "cant tell" when a gril likes him or when a girl is bad news. I started checkinjg his myspace and facebook. Im alwasy asking who he is with when he's out at the movies and I alwasy feel so bad for asking when it turns out he is with his little bro.
When he jokes around with me I take it to seriously. I want to be the way we where before. Be able to joke around and know that there is nothing wrong when he goes out.We talk about getting married and I dont want our marriage to be like this. Im just glad he hates clubs. I could imagine if he was a clubbing type of guy! Can anyone give me any advice??
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 10:07pm

Welcome to the board ncclove315,


It's odd how women can read other women's intentions and guys just can't see it, though I do think they feel it. Here's a girl throwing herself at him and he likes the attention. If he admits you are right about how she is and was from the beginning, then that means he has to step-up and set a boundary with her. That means her attention stops and guess what? He's not willing to give up that attention.


If you are having this much trouble, doubts, lack of trust and drama at the 5 month mark, I'm sorry, but I seriously do not think this is the right guy for you.




iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2005
Tue, 05-29-2007 - 10:20pm
I am going through something very similar. The first thing you have to realize is that it is not your place to rebuild the trust, it is his. I know you want to trust him again and get to a point where you do not question everything, but this is not you. This is his problem and all you can do is be more concerned with you and supportive of any true effort on his part. The last thing you should be thinking about is not wanting this when you two are married. That is the last thing that should be on your mind, you have a long road before marriage, you two have a bunch of problems to sort out. Focus on you and then the realtionship. There is not an easy answer, only pay more attention to you, you are the most important thing right now.