I Screwed Up

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
I Screwed Up
4
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 1:24am

Right now, it's one in the morning, and I can't sleep over what I've done, and I think it's too late to salvage anything I have with this guy.


I started dating this really great guy; he's been nothing but good to me, but I've let my insecurities get the best of me. On Sunday, everything was going fine until I called him twice, and didn't get a response because I thought he had been ignoring me. The previous night, he was acting weird towards me (I didn't do anything to get him to provoke him in a such a manner), so I figured that either something happened, or he got freaked out over how close we've become. Since I wasn't able to get a hold of him, I called him and left an angry message stating that I didn't appreciate him ignoring my phone calls and messages, and that if he didn't want to talk to me, then that's ok, but consider this my last phone call. I then ended up regretting what I had done and texted him apologizing to him for what I done (he wouldn't answer my phone calls at this point), and who could blame the guy). He then texts me back a few hours later stating that he had left his phone at home. Now I'm feeling like a complete jerk, and I tried to call him, but apparently, something happened when he went to visit his family today and now I added more junk to his pile. The last thing that he texted to me was "sorry, bad day- just not feeling very sociable, please don't take offense."


I really screwed up bigtime. He hasn't called, or texted me in almost two days and it's driving me insane (litteraly). I can't function properly because I haven't heard from him. I'm giving his space, but I'm hoping that with a bit of space that he can come around. I can only apologize so much, and hope that he can give me an opportunity to redeem myself. He doesn't deserve to be with someone who overreacts and is insecure, but I let a moment of weakness destroy the possibilities of a good relationship. I need to find a way to move on...


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
In reply to: urbanonyx
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 3:43am
You need to deal with your own insecurities before you get involved in a relationship. You will only succeed in driving someone away. We all have impulses and moments of weakness where we want to call and say choice words, but you need to learn to sleep on it. When a guy (or anyone) sees behavior like this, they immediately reevaluate the situation because if you've freaked out over something this small, they don't want to see how you'd react to a real problem. I've learned all of this the hard way. Most of us have to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
In reply to: urbanonyx
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 12:44pm

'I can't function properly because I haven't heard from him..... He doesn't deserve to be with someone who overreacts and is insecure, '


You really need to look at the big picture here. It is time to see a therapist about all of your fears of abandonment, etc. You should look at where that comes from or you will not be able to have a healthy relationship with this guy or anyone else. You need to learn to be o.k. with not being in total control all of the time and letting someone else take time away from you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
In reply to: urbanonyx
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 3:48pm
I almost could have posted this question myself. Not the exact scenario, but I have reacted in similar ways. The problem is that we are relying too much on another's actions. Our security needs to come from within, not from another person. I struggle with this all of the time myself. Just focus on yourself. Take care of yourself. Do the things you love to do. Good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
In reply to: urbanonyx
Tue, 01-08-2008 - 4:09pm

Welcome to the board urbanonyx,


You have been given some good advice so far. Give him some time and hopefully he will contact you. If not, don't beat yourself up over it. Also since you mentioned being insecure, please consider working on that as it will affect everything relationship you are in.


Best of luck to you.

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