I Screwed Up

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
I Screwed Up
3
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 3:25pm

I got drunk, came home (we didn't officially live together, but I've been to my apartment for about 10 minutes per week for almost a year), & freaked out. I hit him, flipped a chair over, & poured 2 bottles of pills into my mouth. He called the police & left with the dog to stay at a friend's place while I passed out on the bed.

The next morning, he moved all of my belongings out & put me in a cab.

That was on a Saturday. On Monday, I went to my first AA meeting. I also have been frequenting my psychiatrist much more often. I know in my heart & in my mind that I will never hurt him again - nor will I ever drink alcohol again.

He, understandably, is wary & doesn't even know if he ever wants to speak to me again. I don't blame him; I did an unacceptable thing.

I am giving him the space he needs to process because he deserves me respecting his wishes right now. It's horribly difficult, but I'm doing this for him & for myself as well, so I can get an even bigger grip on what ails me.

We love each other so very much. We miss each other terribly. We are best friends & love each other in every sense of that word.

What can I do to help him? I told him I wasn't asking for the world, just baby steps to reconciliation. He first told me he hoped it would be temporary, then told me it was over for good, forever, but now is telling me that he hopes that we can get back together, he just doesn't know when, if ever.

I don't know what to do or how to cope with this.
Please help.
Thank you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 3:57pm

Welcome to the board notmyrealname23,


You should be focusing your efforts right now on yourself and not him. Although, I understand your concern and desire to want him make him feel better right now. What he currently needs

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 5:56pm

What's important here is to work on yourself. Go to your doctor as much as you can, go to AA, get a grip, as you say, on what happened. It's one thing to wish it never to happen again, it's another thing for that to be a reality. It takes time to truly be rid of alcohol and also to get enough understanding and control of all aspects of your behavior. Your frightened him a great deal, as is understandable. I'm sure you are frightened as well. Let him know you understand that he is frightened and that you are working as hard as you can now on understanding what happened and gaining the strength, insight and control so it will never happen again. Only time will be the test of this. All of this will take time. Stay in touch with him, but primarily, get to know yourself.


All good wishes,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2007
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 6:00pm
Thank you once again.