I snooped, I found, and now I'm stuck?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2011
I snooped, I found, and now I'm stuck?
Sun, 08-28-2011 - 10:01am

So long story short, I was married for 15 years and have been divorced for 4 years now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2008
Sun, 08-28-2011 - 1:20pm

Sounds like he is fishing for a little fun on the side IF the opportunity presents itself. Sorry but I think it's just a matter of time before he cheats on you with one of these women he flirts with. I think he wants to have his cake and eat it too. Like most men they want a stable GF or wife to take care of them, but also want some fun on the side. I think it's time for an honest discussion and you should tell him he accidentally left his fb open and what you found. Tell him " If he feels he needs that attention and constant validation from other women he needs to tell you that" so you can move on to someone that YOU are enough for.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 08-28-2011 - 1:36pm

Maybe you didn't know the whole life story going in, but now that you DO know it.......why are you stuck?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sun, 08-28-2011 - 4:19pm
I agree with fissatore: how are you stuck? You snooped, you found out your boyfriend may be planning to bring you a platter of STDs, and now you make a decision. Seriously, is it better to be the complaisant girlfriend, enabling his philandering whenever he feels like it, or to be the independent woman, throwing him out on his backside?

To forestall your next question, which I think would be, "How do I get rid of him?"--I wouldn't engage him in conversation about his issues at all, because he will just explain them away and charm his way back into your good graces. All you have to say is, "This relationship doesn't work for me anymore," and hand him his suitcase.
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Sun, 08-28-2011 - 11:32pm

You are not married and your bf cannot stop this behavior that is interferring with any sort of honest intimacy or long term relationship that you want.

You cannot change him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 9:00am

I don't get why you're stuck. You've only been dating this guy seven months, how the hell does that make you "stuck"? You feel "stuck" because you don't want to leave the sexiest guy you've ever dated.

So he has two failed marriages, you are getting into fights already, he has women fawning over him, he's a facebook addict at 49 years old, can't afford to save money, and makes you look like you're controlling him.

Maybe you need to stop focusing on what this guy is telling you ("I want to spend my life with you blah blah blah") and start looking at the reality, that your boyfriend is a loser who is still acting like a flirt, only keeping it a secret from you.

Stop convincing yourself that you're "stuck" with this loser.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 11:18am

I think (I'm 51) that I would rather be single and happy then with a guy who has so much baggage he needs a porter to help carry it around!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2010
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 11:50am
I'm sorry ur in this position but ur not stuck! Confront him. If he has nothing to hide he shouldn't get angry. But from those msgs he ll probably try and turn the argument on you snooping on him and how you don't trust him.
But ur post is making me realise that relationships are never plain sailing whatever age you are!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 12:12pm

I hope you're reading (and taking to heart) every reply that you've had here.