I think I made a mistake

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2004
I think I made a mistake
2
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 1:36pm
What have I done.
This is long but I need to vent.- My husband and I separated back in Jan 06 at the time I was 8 weeks from having our little girl.
Background- My husband and I have 3 boys and 1 girl 13-11-7 and 1yrs. The older is my ss he has been with us since he was 3yrs but ALWAYS wanted to be with his mom. We have been having issues with his and his behavior since kindergarten- his mom was rarely involved and never helped us with his at all. I took on the role as the primary caregiver because 1. I was home 2 I couldn’t separate his from ous. Well that had become way more than I could handle. I reached my breaking point I did not feel like my dh supported me and he *seem* to over look the behavior my ss was having with *me* getting all the emails, phone calls etc… (I went back to work in the schools when the 2 boys were K and preK)
I started to lose respect for my dh I was so unhappy and everyone around me knew it. My dh and I fought all the times I said so many hurtful things to him-- I just wanted him to feel the way I did. Sex was a monthly duty for me and that was all he was getting (sorry TMI) Anyhow I got pregnancy and things got even worse 1 being I didn’t want another child (we were using condoms - I am not sure how much of a role my dh played in this condom thing) Things went down hill fast speed with all the mood swings and already unhappiness on my part I completely shut EVERYONE out. At this point in time I could honestly say my dh was trying-- I wasn’t.
Oct my dh had a bday bashed we had tons of people coming over well 1 person was a friend of his cousin (whom at one point was my bfriend along the way we just went separated ways ) In November my dh started to not care in longer he was no longer trying so I *suspect* he was talking or interacting with someone else I went into his email and saw a picture of a girl called him on it and of course he had a n excuse. Well in December he started leaving a lot and I checked his cell that was tons of calls from the same number lasted as long as 2 hours so again I called him on it.
He started to stay out late and leaving after work. I told him I knew something was going on and we needed to just things be-- I asked him was he seeing or sleeping with anyone he says no --I found a number called the girl who told me *they* are just friends. I asked her did she know he was married and had kids? She just repeated we are just friends I asked her have they had sex she repeat we are just friends.
At this point I was pi$$ed and I was kicking things around and his wallet felt out and I found condoms we have not had or used condoms since June this is now Jan I packed all his things and said he needed to leave (ss went to live with his mom).
FF We half talked but there was so much anger on both of our parts he still denied sleeping with someone and just told me I was reading more into it than it really was. He found an apartment and we talked often I asked him about this girl but he never really talked or answered any questions. I still felt as if she was on the back burner so that he could have his cake and eat it too BUT I was not putting in anything and step back because I did not want to be part of the game.
He asked often can we work things out my answer was no- he needs to tell my the truth first and than we can go from there. In Dec 06’ we spend Christmas together he stayed at the house for 2 weeks I told him I think it was time he went back home the kids were getting excited and he was getting to comfortable going to work coming home etc…..
He told me he wanted to make it work and what does he need to do so we talked and talked he admitted he was sleeping with someone (wow what a surprise) We talked about what role we both played in our marriage falling apart before the A. 3 months we talked stayed at each other homes answered calls at either home cell phone was out and open etc…. The 4 month we decided to move in together .
The mistake I made was asking him so have u told the OW you were moving back home he says I have told her in Jan that he made an mistake and wants to be with his wife and family. He says she still calls his cell phone but she does not answer so she leaves voice or texts mail. He than tells me that she has been having his cousin call him for her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay so this is the same girl that was at your bday bash??? That was looking through all our wedding pictures??? That was talking and asking about our baby names??????? I really did not pay any attention to her at the time there was tons of people there.
I thought I was past this but this has open a whole can of worms!!!!!!
And I don’t know what to do. We are living together and I know there is no contact with her but I am so mad! I do not know if I could get past this but now I feel stuck---- He says he didn’t tell me because he did not know I knew who she was (they came in the beginning when we were setting up so dh was not there ) I am even more pi$$ed off that she is the one he was sleeping with what am I to do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-07-2007
Sun, 07-08-2007 - 5:04pm

If her calls and advances are truely unwanted by your husband, a restraining order may help ya'll. Go down to your local magistrate, or local police department, and find out what can be done to stop her harassment. Start keeping a log of her text messages, phone calls, and phone calls from the cousin. It sounds like this lady doesnt want to let go of your husband, and the situation could get worse.

Hope that helps

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Mon, 07-09-2007 - 6:08pm

Welcome to the board luvmyboys09,


You have every right to be angry and feel betrayed. The cousin brought his OW into your house. What was she thinking?