I think I should go
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| Wed, 02-13-2008 - 10:37am |
I am having a problem with my husband. We have some money in the bank but he is very protective over it. I find myself broke all the time while he has money. I ask for money, he conplains about it but evenually gives it to me. I am in financial trouble and he is not. We have kept our finances separate for a long time. The nail came to the head when my winter coat's zipper broke and my daughter in law said to him, give your wife money so she can buy a new coat. He told me that I have to do something because it is embarrassing to him that I do not have any money all the time. Secondly we are trying to get an apartment and I am convinced we have been denied because of my bad credit, his credit is good. I am thinking that I should leave before I take him down with me even further. With my bad credit and bad choices I have made in tha past I am paying for them all. I think my husband and the rest of my immediate family would be better off if I left. It breaks my heart to do so but I cant continue with the way he talks to me about money all the time and he is trying to retire. I really am having a hard time with this decision because leaving a 23 year marriage is very tough. I have never been with anyone else and married very young. I have never been on my own either. Can anyone take the time to talk me through this. This is my initial entry and I am so confused I dont even know where to start. Everyone I talk to says he is your husband and he should help you. I agree but his idea of help is giving me one of his credit cards and now that is maxed with just trying to live. I used to over spend shopping but I dont so that anymore I am just trying to stay above water. I think that I should leave and try to get my life together and if he loves me he will understand. But I know based on the person he is that if I leave its over and thats final. I would really like someone to talk to about this.
Thanks

Gammat,
I have experienced some of what you are going through so I understand.
Perky007
We have kept our expenses separate because of the control thing. He has his bills and I have mine. We agreed on who would pay which bills. It worked for a long time until we sold a property and the proceeds went into his account. Another reason I have to beg is because I dont handle money right. If I had it we would not have it. I have changed over the years and I am no where as bad as I used to be. I shop at second hand stores all the time and do not buy anything unless its on sale. I used to love shopping and now I cant afford to anymore so I just usually get what I need. The reason I am blaming myself is because I believe alot of our problems and bad decisions were my fault and now we are paying for them. At our age we should be able to do more instead of being in worse shape than a couple who have divorced and had to start over.
Asking myself the question about being alone? I am not sure I have never been alone. I am 45 years old, met my husband at 16 and married at 20. We have two beautiful grand daughters. We have many things to be thankful for but I can feel the strain of our relationship. WE have been through alot in our marriage and still remained together not like all of our friends.
I think if I decide to leave it is the best thing for me (as well as everyone else) as I need to get MY life together.
Thanks for your reply looking forward to talking further
"I think if I decide to leave it is the best thing for me (as well as everyone else) as I need to get MY life together. "
Sounds like you figured out your own answer to the problem.....
Please never loose sight of YOU, help yourself because at 45 years YOUNG you still have a lot of life to live.
Perky007
I think you might be right. I have been fighting this for a very long time. I have a hard time making decisions but like I said I need to do what is best for ME for once in my life.
I also think I needed someone to agree with me that I have to make my own decisions. This is going to be the hardest thing I have ever done (if I dont chicken out). I know my husband is going to freak out if we dont get that apartment and with my credit the way it is there is a very good chance we will be denied. I know this sounds bad but maybe it will push me to make the decision I need to make once and
Gammat,
Good luck.
Perky007
Welcome to the board gammat,
Perky007 has given you some good advice.