I think I'm ready to tell him...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
I think I'm ready to tell him...
11
Tue, 08-13-2013 - 11:49am

I've been married for 4 years.  Since day 1, things have been rocky.  After 2 years, we separated for one year so I can try to sort through my feelings and see what I wanted to do.  After much thought, I decided to come back (which was last September) and give it one last try.  Things did/have changed for the better and we've both been trying.  We've even been seeing a therapist in the last 3 months which hasn't been helping a great deal but at least we're gaining knowledge from her.

Throughout this time though, there's still been the same things I've been unhappy with in the marriage and unfortunately a lot of it is just HIM and his traits,characterisitics, etc. that I have never been able to accept.  (Yes- I did see it pre-wedding but wasn't mature or wise enough to know better).  A few weeks ago, I got the scare of my life that my mother might have been sick.  Not only did it put the lesson of "life is short" right in front of my face but it made me feel compelled to leave and move on with my life and that I've been WASTING time the past 2 years.  Thankfully, my mother is NOT sick like we thought and the whole fear and motiveation I felt at the time has dwindled, leaving my sitting on my a** again and not being ready to tell my H that I don't want this marriage anymore.  I'm even starting to question that decision a bit asking myself if it IS the right choice.  My therapist told me to use those feelings I had a few weeks ago as motivation and I'm really trying to do that!  I don't know why I'm dragging my feet.  

His birthday is next week and of course part of me is saying to not do that to him right now and to wait it out.  I'm just not sure how much of a "favor" to him that would be.  He's also been wanting to go on a vacation this whole summer but we've had to put it off bc of family oblications.  So part of me is saying plan a trip around his birthday and stick it out a while longer- perhaps a vacation will help us...and the other part is saying not to bother and to move on. 

I feel so weak and helpless.Embarassed

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2011
Fri, 08-16-2013 - 3:40pm

Thanks Fissa and everyone else for the replies.  I agree and already "know" everything that was said- but now it's just a matter of executing it!  I thought the hardest part was making the decision of whether to leave or not- but apparently now it's actually telling him.  I'm working through it with my therapist though which is helping too.  I just dread the whole conversation and THAT moment...the finality of it is so very scary, sad and painful to me...and obviously the pain that he will endure from it too.    

I already know who would leave and how to go about it.  Like I said, now it's just a matter of DOING it.  I keep praying for the guidance I need and the push I need at this point too.  I know it'll happen and I'll do it.  I'll get there...

Pages