I think it's really over this time

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
I think it's really over this time
3
Tue, 02-10-2004 - 10:09pm
Hi everyone, I hope you can help me I am so unhappy and so confused. I've written to these boards many times in the past and I always find comfort or at least an opinion. This time I really need your best advice.

My fiancee and I have been together over three years. He has two children and I have one. We recently bought a house together and have been able to successfully combine our families. When we bought the house we moved far away from the city and both had problems adjusting. Two weeks after we moved he said he wasn't ready to get married. He said he felt he needed to make more money and put more time into his kids. He told me he felt stressed with the new commute and said we need to get another car, but we can't afford one right now. I sort of implied that because I make most of the money I need the car. We share it, and both of us take public transportation. He started to be distant towards me and very selfish. We argued about little things that turned into big blow ups. One Friday night he told me he was taking the car to work (he worked at night). I told him I would drop him off but that I needed the car because I was going to the movies with my friend. He totally disregarded what I wanted to do and told me "to bad I'm taking the car". I yelled at him and said I don't want to be with you anymore and for him to do something about it. He went upstairs and started packing and said he was taking the car. We bought the car together (financially) but it is in my name because of his credit. I ended up calling the cops so that they would make him give me the car key. They did. He was really pissed off. He came back the next morning with the cops to get the rest of his things. As soon as he got to his parents house he called and said he wanted to give me some money for the bills. We ended up making up and said we wanted to work things out and wrote all the drama off to the stress of the move. Before the week was out I noticed that he seemed to be avoiding me. He said he was moving his things back home, but he didn't. He brought home one suitcase and everything he used in the suitcase he put back in the suitcase, like he was visiting. He went out as much as possible so that we spent no time together. Twice he came home at 2:30 in the morning. The second time was after I told him that I didn't like him coming in that late. When I tried to talk to him he was very cold and mean. He apologized the next day and we ended up having unprotected sex. Which is very odd for him because he ALWAYS gets the condoms because he knows I want to have a baby. This weekend we didn't have the kids and I thought we'd spend some time together and talk. He wanted to go out. He said he wouldn't be late, but it was already 9:30 if he drove all the way to the city it would take an hour and to come back another hour. I asked him where he needed to go at 9:30 in the rain. He said he needed some freedom. He came in at 2:30 like I said and the next morning I packed up the few items he had here. When he saw the suitcase he didn't say anything but added things that I missed. He got dressed and told me he was ready and I took him to the bus station. He called twice since asking about a picture. He always starts a conversation about something not important to start a discussion, but I would like for him to just be honest and say how he feels. I feel like he left because he didn't want to be with me anymore and that he is jprobably seeing someone else. I don't know what to do. With all our problems I know we love each and things could be worked out if he's not with someone else already. I don't know if I should just wait or talk to him so that we have real closure or can try to work on our relationship. The scariest part is I think I may be pregnant.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2003
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 8:03am

I just don't understand why people are in relationships like this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 10:24am

Relationships arent about keeping score. You dont keep a tally of how much more money you make, or how many times he went out with out you..Most importantly, this shouldnt even be so much about you and him as it is about those poor kids at home that witness day in and day out, the fighting, bickering..one day there dads there, the next hes not....You are so wrapped up in the fact that he took YOUR

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Wed, 02-11-2004 - 10:42am
This is a mess. Healthy relationships don't include calling the cops when they aren't really needed or using the car because you earn more.

It seems that you have moved forward in the relationship without thinking, without considering how it will affect your children. Surely you knew the move would result in added stress on the relationship and you know that no birth control = babies. What is all of this doing to them?

It is time to grow up and either go to counseling to improve things or leave.