I think she is suffering from depression

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2004
I think she is suffering from depression
5
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 8:33pm
I do believe that my girlfriend is suffering from deppression, even before i met her. I have done some rsearch on the subject and she has all the symptoms, lack of energy, doesent look forward to things, moody, lack of desrire for sex, doesent feel like eating much, indecisive. I dont know how to approach the situation without her pushing me away.

she is a very beautiful women with every thing going for her, with lots of friends but she doesent feel like spending any time with them.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Mon, 03-29-2004 - 9:14pm
It sounds to me like you are right. And it also sounds like you are a very caring and concerned boyfriend who cares about his girlfriend so deeply to do the research and want to help her.

I, too, have suffered from depression and have battled those exact symptoms. It's such a difficult thing to endure and no matter how much the people in your life love you and support you, you still tend to feel very isolated and alone. It's as though nobody really gets it.

My boyfriend I have now is well aware of my tendencies with depression. Though I feel I'm in 'remission' at this point he knows how to recognize the signs and can tell when I'm having a challenging day and he is there for me. Here is what you can do for her: you definitely need to talk to her about it. Do it in a nonconfrontational way. Perhaps pick a time when she seems a little more receptive or open to you. And let her know how much you care for her and that it hurts you to see her hurting and struggling. She may need some help finding therapy. This is something she will need...and a lot of it for a long period of time. She may need easy access to it off and on throughout her life. Two to three sessions a week would be ideal. I don't know how she'd feel about meds (especially given the latest news on some of the anti-depressents out there). Support groups are another great resource for her. She may be too depressed to find these resources on her own; if you could help her not only find what works for her but even offer to bring her there and back. Bottom line is for you to just be there for her. But also keep in mind you are her boyfriend, not her therapist. There is a difference. I sure hope you can help her find her way through this and I commend you for being so supportive and concerned for her.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2004
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 6:41am
Been there. Done that. There is no easy way to approach that. For me, it was I who had to realize it for myself. When I finally went to my Dr. about it, he told me I had "Serotonin induced depression". When I got there, he went down a list of "Did this happen recently? That happen recently? This? That? Till BOOM, we hit it. A very close friend of mine was killed tragically in a car accident 6 months prior. I had a lot of guilt about it because he was home just months proir and I didn't go see him "just because". Said I would go see him the next time he came home. And I did. Too bad he was in a casket. Anyway, did your girlfriend have any big events take place within the last several months? Under a lot of stress with school? Work? Etc... If so, maybe share my story with her and maybe she'll recognize it for herself. I was tired, cried at anything, never wanted sex (now I can't get enough..), eating habits changed all the time. Couldn't sleep well. There were SO many things. So, I went on Paxil, the lowest dose there is for about 6 or 9 months (Can't remember) and then went off it gradually. And well, I am MUCH better now. It really can be a temporary thing. The way I described to my Dr. how I was feeling before was like I had the worst PMS I had ever had for 6 weeks straight. We talked. He listend. I got the problem taken care of and now things are better for me. Tell your gf that you have heard about my story and all my symptoms and say you were wondering if she was feeling out of sorts. Can't hurt.. I don't think anyway... Good luck!!

Pam

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2003
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 7:11am
Pam has an excellent point too; it could well be a temporary thing. Perhaps hormonal? She on any new birth control or anything? Those are definitely other options to look into and hopefully you two can do this together. You should see if you can find out if there were any major events in her life that could trigger it (mine was my Grandpa suddenly passing away...he was like a father to me and it hurt soooooo bad). Also find out if depression runs in her family. If it does it could indicate a life-long, up and down battle...potentially anyway. It runs strong in both my maternal and paternal grandmothers so I got a double whammy there. Getting a clear history from her will prove to be helpful.

Jennifer

"Oh, that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that You would keep me from evi

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2004
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 8:53am
Sarafem can work wonders for PMS!
Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-30-2004 - 9:00am

Depression is an illness, which can grow worse in time. There is really no way you have help her with it, other than to let her know how important it is for her to seek the proper treatment. Let her know you love her and this has nothing to do with her worth or loveability. It is a condition that needs attention, however, or else it could well even affect your relationship. Be kind, but strong about it. Help her do some research on it as well and also gather good resources - good professionals to help her work with it.


Best wishes.