I want to be happy again with my girl

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2008
I want to be happy again with my girl
4
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 11:48am

Hi guys,


First of all I want to thank everybody for reading this and for posting some advice. I know this is a long story but I am sure that it is a quite uncommon one. So please do read the whole thing before answering. Thanks a lot ;).


I've been together with my girlfriend for 3 yrs. now and I am finally very serious about it. Unfortunately, I do not feel "loved" by her anymore. I will start at the beginning of our relationship and tell you the whole story so that you can better picture my problem.


We got together 3 yrs. ago when I was 19 and she was 17. I was her first boyfriend and basically the first guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 12:29pm

She has grown and changed since the two of you got together, and she wants to spread her wings in this new place, and try new things, including dating other guys.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2008
Sat, 01-05-2008 - 1:30pm

Thanks for your reply.


Obviously you interpret the work "live" the same way I do.


Other girls arent a problem. I've been hit on more often than other guys hit on my girlfriend. The point is, I love her so much at the moment that I do not give a damn, even if the girl hitting on me is really hot.....


See, I know that people change but I have two major issues with ending this relationship now.


1.


If it wasnt for her father whose only daily occupations seems to be

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 10:36am

geo's right, she's grown up and grown out of this relationship. It seems as though you gave her a lot of self-confidence that she needs to feel like an adult, which is a great thing. But she's still so young, she doesn't want to be tied to someone 8000 miles away. Living is not about expensive vacations, it's about feeling independent.

I don't think you should resolve yourself to try to feel indifferent about relationships in general, that won't help you. You found someone who really affected you and paved the way for you to want something more than just casual hookups... I'd say that's mostly a good thing.

You can't make someone give you more of a commitment, and the more you try the more she will pull away. If she wants to live... Then I think you should let her do that. I'm sorry.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2007
Sun, 01-06-2008 - 9:34pm

I'm sorry, but you sound extremely controlling. You have to understand: you started dating a SEVENTEEN YEAR OLD. You can't expect her to be the same person forever that she was at 17. These years are some of the most influential, change-filled years she will ever experience.

I'm sorry she's become distant, but that's what happens when you want someone to give themselves to you and you only. What do you expect her to do? You should want her to have a very close relationship with her family, because that can only make your relationship grow stronger. It's not "just us 2." She can't be expected to cut everyone else out of her life. She's 19 or 20. She's going to want to go dancing with her friends. She asked you to come and enjoy it with her.

It's only my opinion, but I think you're being completely unreasonable. I understand that she was a certain way in the beginning of your relationship and you became accustom to that, but again, she was only 17. So there's really nothing you can do to turn her back into her 17 year old self. Give her the space she needs and "live" your life. Don't miss out on anything waiting on something else.