i want him back!
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i want him back!
| Mon, 07-02-2007 - 3:34am |
I was dating a guy for 7 months. we talked about our future together and everything seemed great. i was truly shocked when he told me that he was thinking about breaking up with me. and so after a week he did just that. i thought our relationship awesome, i wanted answers from him and he was never really straight up with me. He gave me all these petty reasons that I couldn’t understand why he couldn’t just get over. Its like he wanted me to be perfect or something. at first i thought that he was just getting over the infatuation stage and was realizing that he didn’t love me as much as he thought. the break up was really hard for me. he wanted to stay friends so we talked on the phone a few times a week and hung out briefly a few times. whenever i see him i try to act happy about the situation but secretly i desperately want him back. after about a month of depression i decided start hanging out with my friends a lot more. after this, my ex started calling me more often and even acting a little jealous. and so we started having sex. the first few times felt really wrong because i kept talking about how i wanted to get back together and he just didn’t want to talk about it at all. since then i’ve learned to keep my mouth shut and our conversations have been more enjoyable for both of us. its been about 2 months since we broke up and a month since we started having sex. today he told me that he still loves me but he still seems like he doesn’t want to be together. so now I’m thinking that maybe he is in love with me and was just scared about having a serious relationship. I know i shouldn’t be having sex with him because my intentions are to win him back, and he just isn’t interested. but i don’t want to stop because i feel like he might realize that he made a mistake, even he admits that he doesnt really know what he wants .im afraid if i distance myself from him, we might move on. besides, i am so happy when im with him and he seems to be as well. i am writing this because i really want this guy back in my life and don’t want this to turn into a "just sex" relationship. he’s killing me with these games...he constantly tells me all these things he loves about me but then gets uneasy when i talk about "us". help!

Shelbonis, considering that he was jealous when you went on to lead your life without him, it would make more sense if you used that to your advantage.
At this point in time, he gets your company and sex but doesn't need to give you anything in return. Why? Because you give it up without asking for more. He can avoid "us" conversations while still getting all the advantages because you let him. He will not reconsider his stance unless he is forced to.
Tell him that you're not happy being used for sex (because this IS what he's doing right now) and start leading your own life again. If he decides to persue you again, return to him only on the proviso that you are in a proper relationship from the outset. Sweetie, you need to start taking the upper hand here. Stop giving it away with nothing in return.
Having said all that, if you should choose to object to being used for sex and he decides to move on instead of chasing you - then doesn't that tell you he's not into you? That it wasn't meant to be? Something I learned many, many years ago is that giving a guy sex will not make him love you or want to be your boyfriend. A guy must WANT to be your boyfriend for that to happen.
Welcome to the board shelbonis,
I gotta say, once again, I totally agree with
I have to say I agree with much of what you said but have to disagree that she is being "used" for sex.