I want to know what WHY some people do this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
I want to know what WHY some people do this?
15
Sat, 12-17-2011 - 12:09pm

I didn't know were to post this because it's been awhile since I'v been on here.My question before I go into my story is WHY do some people state they're your friend but then give you the cold shoulder for no reason at all?!

My story started in late Sept of this year.I met a

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Sat, 12-17-2011 - 1:29pm
It sounds pretty simple, actually. You were a "vacation" thing and that's it. No matter what he said to you, he did not truly plan on continuing after he went back home. Now, before you say "but he SAID we were friends!!!", let me tell you that people say all kinds of things because they either don't want to be seen as a jerk, or to just get someone to be quiet and let them alone. Just because you are upfront and honest with people doesn't mean everyone else is. And you could not possibly have known him, not after just a few short weeks, no matter how many personal things you may have chatted about.

I would have taken the lack of response to calls and emails for such a long time as a hint that he wasn't interested in remaining "friends". I mean, how many emails and calls did he not respond to??? Sounds like quite a few. Most likely, he was thinking "why doesn't she get the hint?" He didn't want to speak to you over the phone because that would have uncomfortable to him, you might have cried or acted hurt and he didn't want to deal with that.

Also, consider that he might be dating or in a relationship at home...despite what he might have told you. After all, you don't know him well enough to determine if he'd lie to you, do you?

I advise you to stop contacting him. If you continue or try to push him for answers, you'll start coming across as pathetic, desperate, or that dreaded word, psycho. Let it go and focus on friends in your own town.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sat, 12-17-2011 - 3:36pm

Honestgirl, I'll be honest with you:

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Community Leader
Registered: 01-25-2010
Sat, 12-17-2011 - 4:22pm

Summer and vacation flings are just that when the summer is over it's over too. There is rarely a "friendship" that results.

dragowoman

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Sun, 12-18-2011 - 1:34am

Yes..I agree you guys to everything you've said.It's just that I didn't think that he would behave that way towards me because we had parted as friends..or so I thought.Anyways the way I see it is what goes around comes around.We all have choices in how we decide to treat people in our lives and I know it was wrong in how he treated me and about how he didn't want to seem like a jerk...well That's too late! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 12-18-2011 - 10:30am

As everyone else has said, you had a 3 week "fling" while he was in town, then he went home and back to his real life.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Sun, 12-18-2011 - 11:12am
The long distance thing didn't work and after he told me through e-mail I called him on the phone to ask him why he felt the need to tell me through e-mail.I told him that way hurt.He didn't have to tell me that way.Also I left out the fact that we had just talked that same week and nothing was out of the ordinary.I said he should have told me then.I had told him in the beginning that if he couldn't do the long distant thing to tell me right away.Anyways we did talk AFTER we became just friends.Then I started going through things with jobs so I just mainly e-mailed him not thinking anything twice.Then he e-mailed me to tell me that he got his b-day card.I didn;t think anything was weird.It was ONLY just being friends and nothing else on my part.Then later I started to question what was up because through e-mail I hadn't heard anything.e-mails were just normal friendly ones..no sexual anything...just like if I was talking to another one of my friends.The point is that this tpe of behavior is not right.I had no idea about how some people are with stuff like this.He didn't tell me anything...look I'm the type of person that if I have something to say...I'll say it whether to your face or through e-mail.it is cowards who hide behind the internet and use 'hints'..hey I really was in the place of just friendship and nothing more.Also it's not being nice to pretend to be something that you're not.That's being fake and like I said in my last post...what goes around comes around and I got the closure that I needed with myself.That I was true in how I approached things and I dont use the internet or give 'hints' to people..I use my mouth to communicate.I guess some people who haven't evolved yet dont do that...oh well.I say the way some people treat each other is appalling and it's sad that it happens but it does.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 12-18-2011 - 3:05pm

Honestgirl, I can see you're mad with him and hurt.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Sun, 12-18-2011 - 4:36pm
JMO, but I think calling this man an "ex" is an overstatement. He visited for 3 weeks and they went some places together, and then they tried for a short time to continue long-distance (it isn't clear to me exactly how long this long-distance thing lasted), so we're talking about maybe 6 weeks total? And only 3 weeks spent in the same city. So, one would think it would be easier to let it go, since it was so short term.

My question to the OP would be, would you think it was normal for one of your other friends to ignore several calls and emails? Whether or not you think it was owed to you to have him tell you "I don't want to be friends", I think the message was clear by his lack of response. Sure, it's not particularly nice, but since you hardly knew each other and it was so short-lived, he probably didn't think it was any big deal.

I know it's hard, but don't take it personally. It wasn't anything you did wrong or anything lacking in you. He just didn't see it the same way you did. Forget him, he's just a blip in your long, long life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 12-18-2011 - 7:40pm

>>JMO, but I think calling this man an "ex" is an overstatement.<<

I totally agree with you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 12:31pm

The real point is that not everyone is like you.

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