I want some outside advice....

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2008
I want some outside advice....
3
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 6:44pm

I was introduced to the man I am now dating through mutual friends. He is going through a divorce after coming back from iraq he found his wife cheating on him. I went through a breakup about 5 mos earlier due to cheating also, anyway, our friends introduced us and we started by talking on the phone. Things were going great. Then he asked me to move down where he lived. So I needed a change and went for it. I figured if it didn't work, I would just be hitting another bump in my road. Well we hit it off even more once I moved down.


We've been living together for several mos now. His divorce hasn't gone through and I know he badly wants it, but he is not putting his foot down and

Here's to the husbands who won you, the losers who lost you, and the lucky bastards who've yet to meet you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 8:43pm

Welcome to the board chellise76,


It's really hard to want something from someone that doesn't want to give it or can't give it. He comes with a lot of baggage.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 9:00pm

>>but I want to hear what his feelings are, but I can't get him to say it to me. Can someone please let me know how I should go about letting him know that I want his true feelings known and how to express to him that the past is the past....<<

His actions are telling you everything you need to know.
He is dragging his feet about the divorce.
He has pics of them still all over the place.
He will not communicate his feelings to you... honestly what could he say that would negate his actions? He is still hung up on his wife, betrayal is a hard thing to get over, even worse since he didn't find out until he came back from Iraq.

You can tell him till you are blue in the face... UNTIL he wants to tell you what he is feeling he is not going to. NOTHING you say or do will change that. His actions are speaking volumes you just don't want to hear it.

He isn't even divorced yet, he is not ready to be in a relationship with you or anyone else. Doesn't sound like you were either. It takes time to get over a relationship regardless of how the relationship ended and he hasn't had that time. IF he gets divorced he will still need time to heal after that. You both jumped the gun with this relationship, if you needed a change you should have moved into you own place, continued to live your life just like he wasn't a part of it, IF/when he gets divorced and heals from that, then you should have dated him if you still wanted to.

Two broken people coming together does not create a whole happy relationship 9 out of 10 times. Move out, let him get his life in order before trying to have a relationship with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2008
Fri, 07-18-2008 - 10:55pm

He is in that transitional stage during a divorce.