I want to talk to him but don't know how
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I want to talk to him but don't know how
| Mon, 11-26-2007 - 11:19pm |
My boy friend and i have been dating for 2 months so far and things are pretty good. However, I'm really new to this whole dating thing so i don't know to reveal what at what time. We live in the same city and only see each other once a week or so and talk on the phone or text every other day. I don't know if this is normal or not. When i see him i want to open up and tell him how i feel and sometimes i do. I say things like "You make me really happy" or "I miss you" but he just smiles and doesn't really reciprocate. Is he just shy or am i freaking him out by saying these things? How do i go about asking him just that without sounding like I'm nagging or being mean? I've had a thing for this guy for 5 years and we've just gotten together and i really really want to make this work! i really think he's someone i could care about. Any advice for a confused soul??????

My advice is to back off a little bit. Don't give more than someone reciprocates.
I have to wonder though, you say that you call and text each other often... Who is initiating this? You or him?
"I miss you" can be a scary thing to say to someone, while it seems really harmless it also can give the impression of "I don't do so well on my own". If he's not responding well then take it out of your vocabulary for the time being.
I'm also wondering how he treats you otherwise. Is he enthusiastic about spending time with you?
Slow down some...back off a little... you have only been dating for 2 months that is not a long time. Just because you have had a thing for him for 5 years doesn't mean he is in the same mind set as you...It's still early so take it as it comes and see where things go.
Keep your mind and eyes open, since you have liked him for so long, don't let your pre conceived ideas of what he is like, or a relationship with him is like to cloud your judgment in seeing him as he is, and what the relationship is.
When we talk on the phone or text, it's usually me who initiates it. He's called me twice. We don't talk on the phone every night and every day so it's not like I'm phoning him on end all the time. However, with texting, I'd say we're about the same. He texts, i text the same amount.
He treats me REALLY well. He is a good gentleman: getting the door for me, picking me up on time, always paying for our dates (even when i try to chip some money in), holding my hand yadda yadda. I once told him "You make me happy" and his response was "i was so glad you called to go for coffee." am i maybe coming on too strong? The other week, i told him "i don't want you to feel that you need to move your schedule around to be with me right now. work is something important to you and you shouldn't have to sacrifice that so early in the relationship" and he said "I know, but i wish i could just have more time to spend with you." So now, i just don't know what he means. I think i'm coming on too strong. i don't want to make him feel uncomfortable or smothered.
"it's usually me who initiates it. He's called me twice."
Ouch. Yeah... I figured.
You're coming on way too strong. You're sending out "I want a relationship NOW" signals and he's sending you "I like you, but let's be casual" signals. You're going to have to move at a slower pace. Stop calling as often. Don't send text messages (these are literally the worst way to communicate in a new relationship). Let him come to you more often.
Welcome to the board ebeatle,
You've already been given good advice. I just wanted to welcome you to the board and say that I agree with the advice you've been given.