iace - maturity reply
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| Mon, 01-05-2004 - 2:35pm |
What you are feeling is normal. Wanting answers to unanswerable questions. No one is ALL right or ALL wrong. However, between the two of you, I'd say that you both had different expectations in a committed relationship. You wanted it to be a normal relationship, giving, sharing, talking, sharing life, not ignoring each other when other people were around, spending time together, etc. She on the other hand thought you expected to much in a relationship. So she wasn't in a relationship to be serious. She was in it for her own reason, reasons she probably can't explain.
While you can rack your brain wondering what you did wrong, I can only say STOP. You didn't do anything wrong. You both just wanted different things out of a relationship and had different expectations. You are NOT less than because she is unwilling to be your friend, to explain things, to treat you better. She probably doesn't think she treated you poorly, because based on her expectations, you are the one that wanted more than she was willing to give, wanted more out of the relationship and thought she was going about things the wrong way. Good thing you found out early (3 months) vs. 3 yrs.
Anger is a normal response, it's better than denial and it's one step closer to acceptance.
My best to you on your healing path.

I guess my hang up then is a philosophical one. I mean, my perspective on the kind of thigns i want in a relationship is that they are altruistic, effective, and basically what people need.
But...is that just sheer chance? That I'm the one type of guy and not the kind of guy who just sleeps around left and right? Or I mean...if I meet someone whose values are not the ones I share and in fact trample on my own values, am I just supposed to be like: "Oh okay, this is your perspective and its different."
My temptation is to be like: "Well, you've got a mature view on dating and sooner or later most people come around to the same point your at." But is that just pompous of me? Should I just construe it as: "Oh well, some people are just doomed to come into conflict and the formation of yoru perspective is created through chance, so theres no point in being upset.".......?
Again, I wonder if im making sense.