Ideas for Creating a Deeper Love

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2012
Ideas for Creating a Deeper Love
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 8:51pm

I'm in a loving one year long relationship with no major issues. My boyfriend recently let me know that he's afraid he may not love me as much as I love him. I truly think that he's the one and want to work on our relationship. I know it's most likely naive of me to think I can "get him there," but I want to do as much as I can to make him feel as loved and cared for as he makes me feel every day. I believe that us trying new things and spicing up our romantic life will help with this and would like any other suggestions as to what I can do to try and make this best relationship it can be so that we're on the same page.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 10:57pm


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 01-29-2012 - 11:47pm

Showing a man you love him and care for him is wonderful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-18-2009
Tue, 01-31-2012 - 8:53am

I agree with both of the ladies above, who are extremely wise. How is it that you think you're the person who is supposed to put in more effort when you are already the person doing the most of the "emotional work"?

"I know it's most likely naive of me to think I can "get him there," but"

But nothing. It is naive.

Consider that this may be his way of telling you that your love for him may be overbearing. In this case, trying to make him feel MORE loved and cared for will just smother him.

" I truly think that he's the one"

I'm sorry but it is very clear that he does not feel that way about you at this point. He may, someday, but against your instincts, you MUST back off a little bit. Let him miss you sometimes. Do things without him. Don't cater to him. Believe it or not, a (healthy, sane) man does not want to be the sun in your solar system. A woman who revolves her world around one man is usually very insecure and that is not appealing in any way. YOU should be your own sun!

I hate to say it but at this point your relationship will either grow together or apart, and you can't singlehandedly control which direction it will take. If your boyfriend decides that he will never get to the same page with you, then he will most likely end the relationship. It's important that you recognize that you HAVE to let this relationship naturally take whatever course it's going to take. Forcing a "deeper love" will not get you what you want, in fact it will most likely drive him away.

I would take this time to focus more on yourself and your own life.