ignoring the x = sign of weakness?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2004
ignoring the x = sign of weakness?
5
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 3:39am
So i dumped my gf 3 months ago, which is now my x.She cheated on me. We use to go to this lounge together all the time. I have been a few time, and noticed she is there, and she notices me, and she'll start flirting with all the guys in front of me. I dont let it bother me, so i leave. I know she still goes, but i havent been in about 2 months. I feel she wants me to reappear again. I dont want to give her the satisfaction, so i cut this too. No contact at all. She hasnt tried to reach me in anyway after i dumped her, but visual at the lounge. I seen her just this once, and i completely ignored her. Kicked it with some friends meeting new girls and i left before she.

Sometimes i feel ignoring or cutting all ties is a sign of weakness, giving the other the upperhand?

Avatar for drshoshanna
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 10:14am

No, cutting all ties and ignoring someone you have broken up with, is a sign of strength. It shows that you are not a yo-yo, and going back and forth, getting pulled in by all kinds of games and manouevers. She hurt you, you chose to end the relationship and you are being true to that choice. What is over is over. So, you have no further contact with her, and when you accidentally run into her and she tries to upset you again, you just don't get pulled in. That's good. Don't get pulled back into a power game with her. Obviously, she plays games. If she can get you to play again, then she wins.


There is no winner in game playing. As long as you expressed your feelings to her at the end of the relationship, told her why you were leaving and how you felt, that's enough. Now behave with respect for yourself. Move forward and find someone who you can trust and give your time, attention and energy to.


All good wishes.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 2:28pm
I totally agree with drshoshanna.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 11:25pm
Playing these games is the real sign of weakness. Who cares? What does it matter if you have broken up? Stay away from the bar and set your sights elsewhere.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 10:38am
Your post demonstrates that you have not yet "cut all ties." You are still wrapped up emotionally in what she is thinking, feeling and doing. You can say it doesn't bother you but if that were true you probably wouldn't be posting here about it. I think you need to accept the fact that she is no longer your gf and what she says, does, thinks or feels is not your concern. Let her go in your heart AND head, then move on. A period of no contact is best, to allow you to do this. It's a shame if you have to avoid going places in order for that to happen, but if that's what it takes, then that's what it takes. Don't play games. That will only delay your putting this behind you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
Wed, 06-23-2004 - 1:24pm
Sometimes cutting off contact is necessary - just because or for self-preservations. You don't owe her anything. She cheated on you, you dumped her. If you felt comfortable talking to her, my guess is you wouldn't have cut her off all together. On the other hand, she betrayed you. She thought she had the upper hand. In reality you had the upper hand by taking charge of your life - you didn't need that kind of relationship, or someone who would do that to you. You may have had deep feelings for her and now that she's not in your life it's easier to go on without her in your life.