I'm about to leave the love of my life.
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| Thu, 05-31-2007 - 5:30pm |
I feel sick to my stomach. Watch out, this might be long....
My bf and I have been dating for a year. He cheated on me right at the beginning, but it was a weird situation. They were both drunk and he told me the next day and i knew he was really sorry. So I forgave him and we stayed together. And the past year has been amazing. I am head over heals in love with this man. We have been talking about getting engaged and I want nothing more than to be his wife. Until today.
A good friend of mine just got engaged and then found out her fiance was cheating on her. So she broke it off with him. We were talking a lot about it and it made me really think about my own relationship. My bf talks to his ex (their relationship ended badly, but she owes him money so she has an excuse to keep in contact with him). Well paranoia got the best of me today and I went onto his myspace account. I figured that if there was nothing there then I would feel terrible for peaking, but at least know that I could trust him. Well that wasn't the case. There's all these old messages from the past month or so back and forth between them. And some of them were pretty sexual. She has no clue he even has a gf (let alone a gf he's telling he's going to marry). So can I get mad at her and call her the homewrecker when she doesn't even know i exist? No. The thing is that he knows I don't like her calling/emailing him, but he always tells me he wants to be with me and I have nothing to worry about....
So I feel like I did something wrong because I was snooping, but what he did broke my heart. And what makes me want to just break down and cry is that everything else was so perfect with us. I still love him so much. But is it really possible to move on after this? I'm going to confront him tonight and I am definitly not sleeping there (which I usually do). I cannot marry someone who thinks it's ok to do this behind my back. Bt=ut if he says it won't happen again and he's sorry will I ever be able to trust him? I don't want to be constantly competing for his affection and trying to show up his exs.
UGH! HELP PLEASE!

Welcome to the board kish09,
It must have been very upsetting for you to find that stuff on his myspace. You have every right to be upset, anger, and to not trust him anymore. Talk to him about this as soon as possible. Don't let him turn this around on you either. He was the one in the wrong. If he says he won't do it again, than tell him you want him to end the contact with his ex after he tells her about you and that you want to go to couples counseling in order to get past this. Trust is a hard thing to win again.
Good luck to you.
glitter-graphics.com
What makes me so angry is that I felt like i did everything right in this relationship. We made dinner together every night, I made his lunches for work at night, when he said he loved me and held me in his arms it felt so honest. A few weeks ago I got paranoid (and to be honest was pmsing so my hormones were crazy anyway) but I called him at work and told him how upset i was. And he came home from work early because he said he couldn't focus at work when he thought he might lose me. Is there really any way to salvage this? I want to still be with him so badly.... I love him. But right now I am more hurt than I have ever been. Not to mention flat out pissed.
This sucks.
Have you talked to him about this yet?
glitter-graphics.com
Hi kish09,
The thing is he likes her attention, hence it continued. He had one foot in two different relationships.
Thanks so much for all the support and advice!
I talked with him as soon as I got over to his place last night. I told him what I saw and basically put everything I was feeling out there. I told him that there is no way I could ever be with (let alone marry) anyone who was keeping these things from me. He tried to explain to me that all the reason he was sending her these messages was to mess with her and try to get her back for all the terrible stuff she did to him while he was dating her. I told him that was totally immature and that even if that was his motive that I still could have been aware of what was going on instead of doing it behind my back. I told him to put himself in my shoes and he said he would have done the same thing.
So I was basically falling apart and hysterical crying and he kept asking what I wanted him to do. I told him that if there was any way we were ever going to work he needed to figure out how to fix this. He sent her an email saying that he was with me and he shouldn't have tried to get back at her (not with her...). So then I said I wanted to go for a walk and he went with me. I told him that I feel like there are all these secrets he keeps from me and that he needed to come clean with everything he was hiding or we were over. So he finally opened up to me and told me everything that happened with his ex and the problems he had with his family. It was nice that he finally opened up to me, it just upset me that I had to basically break up with him to get him to do it. So for now we're still together and hopefully it stays that way because I do love him very very much. I found out that he has told his mother that he's going to be buying my ring soon. I also found out that his ex did know we were dating a few months ago, but just forgot. I read the email she sent back to him, that's how I found that out. He knows it will take a long time to completely regain my trust, but we're both willing to work on it.
Sorry this was so long, but thanks again so much for the help!