I'm cheating on my fiance, HELP!
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I'm cheating on my fiance, HELP!
|Tue, 06-03-2003 - 7:11pm|
I've been with my fiance for 7 years, engaged for the last year now and we are getting married this month June 28th to be exact..... EEEEEE, I'm so stressed and confussed. I have never ever even thought about cheating on him the whole time we were dating until we got engaged...it was only 3 months after went I met a very attractive "man" who asked if he could take me out sometime, I was shocked but told him no I have a boyfriend. Later on that same evening I for some reason decided I wanted to kiss him, I told myself this will be the last time I ever get to kiss another guy and that it would be nothing more than a kiss... so I went up to the "man" and asked if I could talk to him, we went out to his car and talked about bit then I asked him to kiss me, I told him I've been with the same guy for 7 years and wanted to know what it would be like to kiss someone else...he said are you sure and then kissed me. I found myself day dreaming about him for months afterwords, yet I felt guilty for doing it. I never saw him again till 6 months after the kiss and when we did the sparks where flying, he asked me if he could call me, I said no because I am living with my fiance but asked if I could have his instead...he gave it to me, and we talked a few times over the phone but not often because I wanted to figure out my situation with my fiance. I was having doubts about marrying him and didn't want to make my decission based on another guy. So I tried to keep my distance and think about the issues I had with my fiance. Sometimes I think I am still with him just because we have been together for so long. I mean I do love him but am I just afraid to be alone? I don't know. We have had our problems, who hasn't, and there are things I don't like about him but there always will be in relationships. The thing is though the things I don't like in my fiance are the things that the other "man" has and is. I know things are always great in the beginning of a relationship but I can't help but wonder if he will make me happier. So this isn't to long I'll skip to what been happening these last 2 months... we ran into eachother one night out and I asked him to meet me outside so we could talk without anyone seeing. We ended up going to his place, had an awesome talk and WOW, we ended up having sex. Afterwords I wasn't sure what to think if he even cared about me or was just wanting to have sex with me so I left it at that and thought to myself I'm getting married, I've had sex with him now so I can move on and just get married. I never called him after that. A month went by and I was focussed on my wedding. Then started to think about him again and ended up running into him one night at a pub, the friend I was with said he staired at me the whole time we were there and that he looked really sad. I couldn't see him because my back was to him and didn't want to look. I knew he wouldn't approch me because he knows I'm engaged. So after that I decided to call him and we talked about how awkward that felt and how we felt about eachother (it was such a good talk). The weekend right after that I was out with my fiance and saw the "man" again, I wanted him so bad and he felt the same, he again kept stairing at me but we couldn't talk. Meanwhile my fiance had no idea and I kept feeling the need to go off by myself to just walk by the "man" and possibly even talk. So the next day I called him and we decided to meet, when we did there was such a connection, we just stood there for an hour and hugged eachother nothing more, just hugged...after that we had a huge long talk about my situation and he said he didn't want to be responsible for causing me any confussion but that he thinks there is definetly something there between us, but that it is my decission what I do and that he just wants me to make sure I am happy. I said I know its my decission if I get married or not and that it has to be about more then him. He agreed. I just feel so good with him and very comfortable. I find myself thinking about him when I'm with my fiance even... how can I get married when I'm feeling like this. Yet I wonder is this just cold feet... what is it and why am I feeling this way. If I did go through with the wedding, will my feelings for "the man" ever go away. I can't cheat when I'm married, its bad enough that I'm doing it now. Basically there are things I'm not happy with in my relationship with my fiance but still love him. I just can't help but wonder what if, what it would be like to be in a realtionship with "the man"...could we have something even better. But how can I ruin what I have now for what if, plus the decission should be made on more then him and I feel like it is all about him right now. I don't want to regret anything, either way: I don't want to regret not having a chance with "the man" and also I don't want to regret not getting married. I'm so confussed. ANY ADVICE PLEASE??? HELP, I'm running out of time. Help please...