I'm Confused
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| Mon, 01-26-2004 - 2:38pm |
I've been dating a really nice man for the past year and 2 months. He's kind, considerate, warm, funny and down to earth. He has a 9 year old daughter from a previous relationship. We've all gone on vacation together to his mom's place and this child and me got along very well. The problem is her mother and I don't know if I can be strong enough to handle this. My b/f and his child's mother are in court right now for visitation rights. He wants to spend more time with his daughter (he only sees her once every two weekends), but he's requesting to see her one extra day (overnight) per week and his weekend time. The mother is being very difficult in this matter and it's draining him to the fullest. All he wanted was a court order to spend time with his daughter, but now, the mother is going too far with this case and it's really draining him to the fullest. The child really wasn't supposed to be informed of what was going on, because it would create more havoc; however, the child has been informed by another source (probably the mother).
He is really down and out these days and while I try to be supportive and bring his spirits up, I feel as if it's taking a toll on me. I even told him that if this court thing is getting to be overwhelming for him, that we could take a break and stop seeing each other until this case is done and over with, but it may drag on for months on end (it's been going for almost 4 months now).
My boyfriend is an excellent father 100%, she means the world to him. He pays his child support on time and makes sure that she is well taken care of all of the time. My b/f and his ex broke up 7 years ago; however, because the mother couldn’t handle being on her own (losing jobs, on welfare), he would always be there to help them out (move in until she got back on her feet), because he never wanted to see his child live in a bad environment.
He finally decided to stop living like that because he felt as if he couldn’t move on with his life and I think the mother can’t accept the fact that he has a life now and now, he’s fed up that she cannot let him have the time he has requested to spend time with his child. In fact, he avoided going to family court because he didn’t want to have his child stuck in the middle because he felt as if the mother could manipulate his child’s mind to turn against him; however, when I see them together (him and his child), she shows him lots of love and affection and I don’t think there’s a problem.
My problem is should I stay with him until this whole mess gets straightened out? I love him very much and he told me that he would never want to take a “break” away from our relationship and that he loves me very much too. We haven’t made any concrete plans for the future (i.e., moving in together, getting married, etc), we take each day as it comes. I am there for him to listen to what he’s going through and it really is overwhelming at times. I don’t mind that he has a daughter; however, it’s the mother of the child that I feel will come between us because she’s making him very unhappy and is being very manipulative and catty in regards to their daughter that he cannot stand the sight of her anymore.
Should I stay in this relationship and take it each day as it comes, or should I run for the hills. Because of her, his relationships never worked out because this mother kept interfering and really made his life miserable. He said that he did make a lot of mistakes in regards to his relationship with the child’s mother and that he is now feeling the pain and paying the price for it. I would just dislike to see him suffer and that it will stop him from having a happy and productive life.
Thank goodness she doesn’t bother me and she’s never harassed me either. I have nothing to do with this, the only thing I can do is support him. I worry about him like crazy and hope he’s okay; however, it must have some type of effect on him.
Can anyone out there help me out? Thank you.
The mother of their child can be very difficult at times. When her daughter is with her father, the mother calls sometimes two to three times per day.

Now, you have to decide how much HIS problems affect you two as a couple and if you can weather the stress?
Have you posted on the Step-parenting board? They will have experience with this.
Carrie