I'm convinced that love sucks

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
I'm convinced that love sucks
2
Mon, 01-05-2004 - 11:44pm
I'm away at college and go home to my boyfriend during all of my breaks. Things have been good, but a little over a month ago while I was still in school he told me that he just didn't want to be in a relationship at that point, but that he really cares a lot about me and it's not about me. I accepted it, thinking that if I'm still his friend then maybe eventually we'll end up together again. I recently came home for my winter break and since then we've had let's say..."romantic interactions", if you will...a few times since then. He's never been the type to just do something like that just to get some action, and he hasn't been with anyone else since we broke it off...so it's like he's saying one thing and doing another...I love him more than anything, and I don't want to lose him. But I don't want to lose my self respect either. What should I do??
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 2:08am
Well, what you have here is a basic conflict in your wants and needs for a relationship.

Your ex-boyfriend wants to feel free to see other people, but equally free to see you and have sexual contact with you if you're around. Of course he cares about you, but no doubt he's young, and you're not there most of the time, and he wants to be able to date others.

If "keeping" him to you means sharing a committed, monogamous relationship, you've already "lost" him. Because he doesn't want to be committed to you, and he's been honest with you about that. He will date/sleep with other women if it suits him, though he may indeed care for you. This doesn't mean that he won't come around to thinking you are the "one," but you will make yourself crazy waiting and hoping. And you WILL lose your self-respect. Take it from someone who knows.

Dating others would be a good thing for you, too. You're young and college is a great place to meet people with similar interests. Hang out with new people. And if you want to get over your ex, tell him that you need to cut off contact for at least a few months.

Hey, if he really thinks you are it, he'll let you know. But don't hold your breath.

Sorry, but that's just forty years of experience talking.

Saucygirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Tue, 01-06-2004 - 10:49am

You let him know how you feel about him, that you dont feel that its fair to keep putting yourself thru the emothional rollercoater of not being clear where each of you stand in each others lives. After you tell him that, stand your ground and remain only freinds with him. If you continue to give in to these feelings, you are letting him know that its ok to do this.