I'm depressed with my marriage...
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| Mon, 12-17-2007 - 1:33pm |
I decided to post this because you ladies are wonderful and hope you can offer me a few words of encouragement. I'll condense this as much as possible to make it an easy and quick read.
DH and I have been fighting a lot. I rarely see him because of our work schedule - and he works a lot of overtime because we need the extra money.
Having Cora has stressed him out - and he is less tolerable with her than he was with Brighton as a baby. Cora doesn't respond to him like she does me - and it's probably because I've been up until recently exclusively nursing her. He can't get her to fall asleep at night, and this bothers him.
DH and I have had "talks" or fights in the past about our current situation, and we have usually come up with solutions. But, quickly fall back into our patterns. Both of us are unhappy and don't feel like our needs are being met.
He (of course) wants more sex, where as I just want to know he's listening to me. But, his actions prove to me on a daily basis that he is not listening to me, and I just grow more frustrated.
He thinks the solution is he just needs to work less and be home more. Which would be part of the solution - but he does not get that I'm so frustrated, and that listening has become a serious problem with him.
All he does anymore is complain about everything he has to do, all the tasks in one day he has to accomplish, how he never gets to sit down - and all he does is b!tch. I made a comment to him this morning about how all he does is complain and how it's difficult to be around him. And he responded by telling me not to stress out so much?
I have been exclusively nursing our second daughter - while working a full time job - while taking care of our girls on my "free" time at home - which I am usually on my own. I get them both down to bed each night (with the exception of the weekends) and I don't complain all the time.
DH and I have a strong foundation - so I know this is fixable - but I have no desire to be physical with him. Kissing is a huge turn-off - I don't enjoy kissing him. I get annoyed when he tries to be physical with me... because I just don't feel like he deserves it.
I don't know what to do...
~Leigh


Welcome to the board Leigh,
Problems inside the bedroom are often caused by problems outside the bedroom. So it makes sense that since
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DESERVE???
Welcome to the board Leigh,
Is counseling an option?
Hi chickeydoodle (love your screen name). I think your DH needs to stop working so much OT for a couple of reasons. 1) he hasn't been home enough to bond with the baby, and 2) your marriage is suffering partly due to the same reason. Perhaps you can cut costs in some way. I know it's hard, but the first thing I did when my income dropped is cut the cable t.v., and other non-essentials.
You say that neither of you is getting your needs met. But if you try to meet his needs sexually, he'll probably be much more inclined to meet your needs. Someone has to be the first to give, and it might as well be you since you're the only one whose actions you can control. Maybe getting laid on a regular basis will reduce