I'm done looking, he's not

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
I'm done looking, he's not
11
Thu, 06-28-2007 - 1:01pm
Two months ago I met a guy on a popular online dating site. At this point, I think I am really seriously starting to fall in love with this guy, and he seems to feel the same way about me. The problem is, that's not what he says to me. He keeps insisting that he doesn't have "love" feelings for me, yet. He also wants to continue to pursue the online dating thing, because he wants to continue dating other women. I told him I found what I was looking for, and do not want to look anymore, but he has encouraged me to keep looking too, as he is certain I can find someone better than him. Even as I write for advice, I think I already know the answer I'm going to get. All my friends and even HIS daughter say he's a pig, and how dare he do that? Everyone tells me to dump him and move on. But the whole thing is just complicated by the fact that I think I love him, and anyone whose ever been in love knows that nothing is that easy. I mean, when we are together, he treats me like a queen, he's loving, and thoughtful, and he loves to do things with me. He's got a ton of great qualities, but he has what appears to be a low self esteem, and unfortunately, so do I. He said that maybe we should just be friends, but I gotta tell ya, I have plenty of those, and that's not what I'm looking for. I recently told him that if he insists on pursuing this online dating thing, then I think we need some time apart. I don't want to do this, but it is detrimental to my emotional well-being to be with him knowing he is still pursuing other women.
My question is, do we stand a chance? His daughter says this is just a phase he is going through, and that he'll eventually get over it. She tells me that I am the best thing that has ever happened to him, and that at some point he's got to see that. She says when he talks to her about me, it is quite obvious that he really cares about me. What do I do or not do to make this work? Is there anything I can do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2005
Sun, 07-01-2007 - 6:59pm

>>> I told him he was making a huge mistake by letting me go, but that I could no longer see him anymore if this is the way he wants to play. I told him if he ever got his head out of his butt and realized what a huge mistake he made<<<

It's awfully conceited of you to tell him he's making a huge mistake... Who are you to know what's good for him? If his relationship goals are different than yours, then STAYING with you would be the mistake.

Nevertheless, you do deserve credit for breaking off the relationship instead of clinging to him in hopes that he'll become the person you want him to be. Good job :)

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