I'm done with MM

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
I'm done with MM
6
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 11:50am
I would like to thank everybody for their replies, it's helped. Just letting everyone know that I talked to my other (MARRIED)man. I told him that I care enough for him to just leave him alone I don't want anything bad to happen to his family or mine. I've read about how to deal with ending an affair. I will leave him alone and try to make things better with my husband. We are leaving for a trip today for the weekend. So, I'll be able to concentrate on my marriage and forget the MM. I didn't talk to my husband about what I've been through. It's better if I just forget and move on. Thanks Ya'll!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 2:01pm
That's great.

You should tell your husband about your affair because you care enough for him as well. Good luck not thinking about the other man while with your husband and good luck never having another affair.

Has nothing bad really happened in your marriage yet? (i.e. the ultimate betrayal) Let him decide and maybe you can keep it together just the same (at least until the kids are out)

Brent

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 2:11pm
Hey, maybe you didn't read my other posts, but I have no kids, and I deffenitly CANNOT tell my husband, I would if, he would be a nice guy. The thing is if he knew it would be REALLY BAD! He doesn't ever hit me but it would stil be really, really bad. We went to a marriage class a week before we got married and they said it is best not to say anything if you had an affair.( This is coming from a marriage class set up by a catholic church!!!) As long as it's ended. And not like I slept with the other guy anyway.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2003
Fri, 07-23-2004 - 4:17pm

If the situation was turned, and it was him that was havin gthe affair..would you want him to hide just cuz " they didnt sleep together or anything"? Just because you didnt have sex, doesnt take away from the fact that what you did was wrong ..


The catholic church also told you for better or worse til death do you part...and that infedility is the ultimate sin...but you didnt listen to that, why listen now???


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 11:33am
I'm not saying it's right just because there wasn't anything physical. I know it was still wrong. C'mon, hasn't anybody had just a friend that they were attracted to. It's not like we were planning to do physical stuff, we never talked about it. All we did was talk like friends do, and we didn't talk about our marriages a lot either. The only time we talked about them is if one of us got in a fight with our spouse we would ask each other's opinion on who they thought were right. Sometimes I would tell him his wife was right, sometimes he would tell me my husband was right.It's not like we were trying to talk each other into divorce. It was kinda weird because we were helping each other in our marriage, but also it was bad because we were attracted to each other and things could have got out of control, we had plenty of chances to something physical and never did. And I still think that it's okay not to tell my husband, why should we both suffer for my mistake. If I keep it to myself it's just hurting me not both of us. I'm the one that has to suffer living with the fact that I did something like that and live with the guilt everyday eating at me and can't say anything so I don't hurt him. And trust me it does hurt keeping that a secret just eating at you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2003
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 1:13pm
How is your husband going to work on the fact that he controls you, has a temper, checks out other women in front of you, and having condoms in his car? He has to take responsibility for the problems in the marriage too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2004
Mon, 07-26-2004 - 1:57pm
My husband thinks there is no problem, we've talked about a few issues like him controlling me, he thinks he doesn't. He just gets mad when I go with my cousin cause he doesn't like her cause she sleeps around and he thinks she will get me to do the same. She has the right to do what she wants. She's old enough, single, lives on her own, supports her self, has a good job. He just doesn't trust her. Me and her were always together before I met him and I think he gets jealous of the fact that we have so much in common and have fun. I have never been with another man except for my husband. That's the only thing he really controls me about. He doesn't like me to go with her, but I still do, He tells me what time I have to be home when I'm with her and if I'm a minute late, it's an arguement, he'll think we were with some guys. He doesn't understand that NOW my cousin has a steady boyfriend that's she's been with for 6 months now, and that she has changed. She does NOT do any of the things she used to. She's had boyfriends before but always cheated on them, but this one IS REALLY different. He doesn't beleive she's changed. But she REALLY HAS! About his temper a lot of his family has told me that it runs in the family. The only time he has a temper is when the house isn't clean. Which I guess he's right. He thinks he can treat me this way because he works hard all day and I sit at home doing nothing. But I do clean the house, but if one thing is dirty like a few dishes he'll get mad even though the rest of the house is spotless. Now about the checking out the other women, he'll do it in front of me, but I guess it doesn't bother me, it bothers me that I can't check out other guys. After he checks out another women he always gives me alittle smile and says he's just looking and gives me a big hug. Maybe he's insecure that if I look at another man he'll think I can leave him and be with some one else. But, it's to the point to where if I'll see a pretty girl I'll admit it , I'll tell him to look, he's going to look anyway, then I'll tell him that I think she is pretty then I'll give a compliment to my husband about her like I like her hair or something. Now about the condoms in the car. I still never brought it up, neither has he. I've talked to lot of my friends (his friends girlfriends, or wives) about it. They said they really don't beleive that he would cheat on me. I came to the conclusion that, he probaly bought them for us (he got them out of a gasstation bathroom), since we still use them(we don't want any kids, and I'm not on birthcontrol) we were out, and he bought those then probaly forgot he had them. I think that's it.