I'm in love with two men
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I'm in love with two men
| Mon, 03-01-2004 - 2:37pm |
I'm not exactly sure where to start, but.. I'm 20 years old and I have a current boyfriend that I've been seeing for almost a year. I met him over two years ago at a club and I instantly fell in love. We are both in college, but we've been maintaining a long distance relationship. Until about 4 weeks ago, he was all that I ever wanted and I was perfectly content with our realtionship. However, one night I went out with my girlfriends as I usually do and I ended up meeting a guy there. Nothing happened between us that night, since I would not even think to jeopardize my relationship with my boyfriend, but ever since then I had been spending a lot of time with this man. He is very easy to talk to and listens to everything I have to say, and we have become good friends. The problem is, that I have been going out with him every weekend since I met him and I find myself thinking about him all the time. We talk on the phone everyday for about an hour, and I never grow tired of being around him. My biggest problem is that now I would rather be just hanging out with him then going to visit my boyfriend. He has been giving so much attention that I had never received from my boyfriend in all the time we had been going out, and he makes me feel happy and good about myself. I feel like I could tell him anything, things that I couldn't even talk to my boyfriend about because he just wouldn't listen. Spending time with him makes me question how good my relationship really is, and that maybe I'm looking for more now than I did when I was 18 (when I met my boyfriend). Even though it has only been a month, I could see myself falling in love with this man. And yesterday, for the first time, we kissed and ,although I feel guilty, it was a really good kiss. But, I'm very confused, because I am still very much in love with my boyfriend and I could never in a million years break his heart for another man. It just seems like he has everything that I love in my boyfriend plus everything that my boyfriend doesn't have. He's the ideal nice guy, while my boyfriend is the stereotypical bad boy. I'm so confused.. I don't know what to do.

::I had been spending a lot of time with this man. He is very easy to talk to and listens to everything I have to say, and we have become good friends.
This is true at the beginning of most new relationships. Getting to know one another, sharing, talking, etc.... then once they know you well, the sharing to get to know each other drops off somewhat.
::The problem is, that I have been going out with him every weekend since I met him and I find myself thinking about him all the time. We talk on the phone everyday for about an hour, and I never grow tired of being around him. My biggest problem is that now I would rather be just hanging out with him then going to visit my boyfriend.
So basically you are cheating on your boyfriend. If your boyfriend was seeing another woman, talking to her every day, sharing with her, you'd be upset, angry and posting here about how wrong he was and 'how could he do this to you.' You are having an emotional affair at this point. Sharing deep, intimate, emotional things with someone other than your boyfriend.
::He has been giving so much attention that I had never received from my boyfriend in all the time we had been going out, and he makes me feel happy and good about myself.
1) people fall in love and stay in love not because of how we feel about the other person, but how we feel about ourselves when with that other person. 2) when you noticed you liked the attention/flattery, why didn't you have a conversation with your boyfriend, 'I met someone that is being rather flirty and giving me attention and it's made me realize that's the kind of relationship I want with you. Can we work on it? ' At this point you haven't even given your boyfriend the opportunity to know what's going on, to change anything, or do anything differently.
::And yesterday, for the first time, we kissed and ,although I feel guilty, it was a really good kiss.
One step closer to bed and a physical affair.
::But, I'm very confused, because I am still very much in love with my boyfriend and I could never in a million years break his heart for another man.
Too late. As soon as he finds out what you have been doing, he's going to be extremely hurt, just as you would be if the roles were reversed.
::It just seems like he has everything that I love in my boyfriend plus everything that my boyfriend doesn't have.
The grass is not greener, but you won't know it as a truth until you take that path.
My best to you and your decision. Make it soon. It's not fair to either guy. Does the new guy know you have a boyfriend? If so, how long will he trust you?
Carrie