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| Wed, 03-03-2004 - 4:45pm |
I'm new to this board, although I do go onto two others on this website. Some of you may have read my previous posts. Anyway, I thought I'd give it a shot on this board as well.
I have an ex-boyfriend who I still have feelings for. We broke up because he left town and no other reason. We still had feelings for one another, still cared for one another and I'm almost sure I fell in love with him. We agreed not to do long distance, so he left. Now, we're both back home. He does things that make me wonder if he still likes me. Here's an example. Will you tell me what you think, please?
On Friday night, I went out with some girlfriends of mine. We were sitting at a bar when my ex (let's call him Mike) walked in with his friends. His friends are good friends of mine as well. They came up to me and said hello, he did not. Instead, he went around to one of the girls I was with and started talking to her. He said hello to everyone and went to say hello to me, but I turned my face because I can't help it. I can't act normal around him. So, he walked away and I continued to sit and drink with my friends. His friends sat behind us, but he kept walking over to where I could see him and he'd just look at me. Sometimes, he stares and I catch him then, too. We left and went to another bar. Soon after, Mike and his crew walked in. I was sitting at the corner of the bar talking to the bartender who is a friend of mine. Mike came up and sat next to me, but didn't say anything. I pretended like he wasn't there and kept talking to my friends. He hates that I smoke and often criticizes me about it. A girl walked up to talk to him, so out of spite, I lit up a smoke. He continued talking to her and I turned away from him to talk to someone in the other direction. The girl soon left and I'd finished my cigarette. While I'm talking to this friend, I felt my bar stool shake beneath me. I thought he'd kicked it by accident. A second later, it happened again. I asked my friend if he did it and he said no, "Mike is messing with you." I still ignored him. Every time a guy friend of mine would come up to talk to me, Mike would come up to them from the other side and talk to them, slowly pulling them away from me - every time. I moved from the bar and went over to a table where my girlfriend was sitting. I then noticed that Mike and his friend (who he accused me of hooking up with even though I never did) were sitting across from us. His friend started talking to me and Mike got up fast, went over to my friend, put his arm around her and started talking to her. He then picked his feet up and put them on my jeans. I looked down and just said, "oh that's nice" in a sarcastic tone. He smiled, then saw I wasn't playing and took them off. The night went back and forth like this; him staring, me ignoring, him persistently trying to get my attention that I never gave him. Me and the girls called it a night and went home. Now, before you criticize my ignoring him, I'll tell you this. He does this a lot. Usually, I talk to him, we go home together (which I think will lead to sex and is usually what I want) and we DON'T HAVE SEX. Instead, he'll say things to me about things he's heard since we broke up and just be difficult and we go to bed. The next day, he's always nice and we're fine. The reason I ignore him is because he does this every time we see each other out. When I talk to him, we end up going home together and not accomplishing anything. By doing what he does when I see him out, is he trying to say something? He obviously doesn't want sex or we'd have it. He's never once come on to me when I go home with him. Sometimes, we'll just lay there together. I think he has something to say, I just don't know what it is. I don't know how to ask him what it is. Any thoughts on why he acts like he does? Does he still like me? If he just wanted to hook up, then we would, right? I put this on this board because I want to save the friendship between us or rekindle the old romance, so in either scenario, I'm trying to save our relationship. Someone help.

I am confused. When he moved back did you decide to date again? Did you have a conversation about what you have and want?
Honestly, were you two in a bar or an 8th grade classroom? What you describe is the opposite of communication. It is total jealous, immature game-playing. Why ignore him or pretned anything? I don't understand how you go to his apartment and not talk.
Talk to him about what he and you want from each other. Ask him if he wants to stop the game playing and date like two adults old enough to drink.
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Carrie
What do you want from him? To get back together? To be friends? To be able to deal with each other in public because you keep running into each other.
Neither of you talk and it makes no sense to me. How do you go home together and what do you do if you aren't having sex or talking? Didn't you date for a while? Didn't you have conversations then?
Nothing positive will come of this if you can't talk about what is happening like two adults.
Actually, the advice you got wasn't so much to "ignore" him in the playing games sense that you took it, but rather