I'm not sure how to move past this
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I'm not sure how to move past this
| Fri, 10-05-2007 - 10:44am |
First let me say that I post fairly frequently on a few board but my husband reads (not checking up but just to see what other people say back) them so I needed a new "name"
I am the one that cheated.

Can our marriage really be ok if this never comes completely clean. If we never really discuss it? In some ways it is like it never happened. But of course it did and I'm afraid that if he keeps refusing to deal with it that this may explode on us in another 5 or 10 years. Is is really possible that he is ok with this once he knew that he "won"?
1) about your new board name, your husband doesn't need more reasons to distrust you. Live your life as though you don't have secrets to keep and people will trust you. If I were your husband, and I found out that you made a new secret name in order to keep me out of a part of your life, I would be absolutely livid with you.
2) If you want to go on not discussing this, you're right - you'll build up a resentment for one another that eventually explodes. Probably ending in divorce. If this marriage is important to you then make it your #1 priority to communicate with him. Of course your husband isn't okay with it; it probably just hurts him too much to think about or talk about. You don't need to divulge every detail of what you did, but you can never completely heal until you two feel as though you can talk about anything. As this is still a fresh wound, your husband may just need more time in order to talk about it. You should devote yourself to being a great wife and mother for him and yes - avoid your neighbor if at all possible. Don't be alone together. For your husband to regain his trust in you, you need to act like a trustworthy person even if it means putting effort into taking yourself out of situations that look bad.
Sometimes it is best to draw a line in the sand and move forward rather than rehash past details that are impossible to change.
Welcome to the board whattodoconfused,
I agree with spice.man.
1.)
"You may want to disclose all to rid yourself of guilt, but that doesn't mean he is obligated to take it."
I don't want to disclose all that would simply be hurtful.
"Why?