I'm not sure what to do

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2008
I'm not sure what to do
5
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 2:06pm

I posted this on another board yesterday but didn't get much feedback. Please help!

I just joined this community and saw all of your wonderful advice and could really use some right now.

My husband and I have been married for 1 year and dated/lived together for 5. When he and I got together things were easy, he did what he wanted, I did what I wanted, and we'd meet in the middle for everything else. Well I got pregnant(my daughter's 21 months now) and I knew that things would have to change. So I told him. He did what he wanted when I was pregnant and I did what most pregnant women do- got things ready for the baby. Well that baby came and things did change. It only lasted for a couple of months. Now things are going back to the same. He'll go out with his friends for a couple of hours to do something and it'll turn into him staying the night out, or he'll come back 12 hours later completely drunk. I told him two weeks ago that I need more than that for a husband and my children need more than that for a father/step-father. And I told him that I was seriously considering a divorce, so he told me how sorry he was and how he would stop. Low and behold it happened again last night.

I don't know what to do anymore. I love him with all my heart there is not a man I would rather be with. I also know that I deserve better than the way he's treating me, and my kids deserve better. I am so stuck! Please help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2008
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 2:24pm
hi there read ur problem and i was in the same situation a few yrs back now my partner wanted a child i wasnt so keen but he told me hed help and stay in and look after it together when i had the baby i came home and the 1st day home he was arranging to go out the same nite i was livid we rowed he didnt go ,but at the end of the day they know we have to stay in with the children and its easy for them to just go out they know we cant,most r selfish u need to tell him u want to have a nite out on ur own or with him and b a couple again cos they will take advantage and ull end up in on ur own and miserable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 2:25pm

Welcome to the board peoplesay,


Would he be willing to go to marriage counseling with you?


It sounds like he might have a drinking problem do you think this is true?


I say if he does this again than ask him for a seperation. This way he will know that you are serious about wanting him to change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 2:50pm

Welcome to the board peoplesay,


Was the pregnancy planned?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2008
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 2:57pm
Our daughter was not planned, but we did decide to have her together. I know he wouldn't go to counseling with me- I've already tried to go that route. He refuses to even talk about it. I think he does have a drinking problem, but if you ask him there's no problem. And he can go months without drinking but as soon as he's at a friends house or out he has no control.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Wed, 05-28-2008 - 3:27pm

Sorry to hear all that.... you will have to decide what's best for you.