I'm pregnant and we did not get married

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2004
I'm pregnant and we did not get married
12
Fri, 06-18-2004 - 12:33pm
My boyfriend and I were engaged to be married this Sept 4th and this past Feb I found out I was pregnant. So we moved the date to this past May and spent about 9 grand on our wedding. The day before he backed out, so we broke up and now we are back together trying to work it out. Should I trust him?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Mon, 06-21-2004 - 9:44pm
Oooohhhh.... men are funny people sometimes, as are women - but when it comes to commitment, those fellows take the cake! I betcha he got all freaked out, though I could be wrong on that. Now - I'm going to tell you two stories (both true), one to suit two options regarding the future.

First story - A friend recently told me about something that happened at the beginning of her (now wonderful) relationship with her husband. They had been dating, and decided to visit his parents in another state - her first time meeting them. During the visit, her b/f brought up the idea of moving to that area & she agreed. They got everything packed, moved into his parents home temporarily to give them time to find a house & jobs - - and then he left!! He looked at her & said "I've got to go back". So, he left her there, with his parents who she had only met once - for three weeks - while he went back to their old city & partied with friends! Then he came back, she had a job & a house, and everything was great between them. Until shortly before wedding day.. then he did basically the same thing again. He's over the commitment thing now... but it was rough during each of those "next stpes". I felt a lot better about my own situation (you responded to my post... "jerk or scared") when she told me this, b/c they are truly a happy & stable couple now.

Now for the other story....

My marriage to the father of my three children started with one surprise pregnancy. I decided to take the chance that the marriage would work, though I just didn't feel it in my soul. Friends sensed this & told me that there are other options for single moms (of course), and that if I wasn't sure, there was NO reason to get married. I wish I had listened. Now, I do have three WONDERFUL kids... but I am a single mom, and it is hard - but so very rewarding, and not at all impossible. I promise. If you aren't sure of it, then don't do it... go ahead, raise your child together, though maybe not even in the same household, and enjoy everything that comes from being parents. If there are NO doubts about the relationship, then go ahead with the future plans together - but if there are any doubts - don't follow through with something you're not sure of just b/c the future (of potentially being a single mom) may be scary. You CAN do it alone if necessary!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-21-2004
Tue, 06-22-2004 - 12:26am
I agree with pianoguy that your boyfriend is just a little too skitsy for my comfort. Once he sees the responsibility of caring for two other people besides himself, I think he will bolt. That doesn't help your situation, but I would certainly starting checking into the social services that you will need once the baby is born. If your boyfriend can't or won't support the two of you, you need to be prepared to do it on your own. This is not going to be an easy raising this child on your own, but having a "father" that is here one day and gone the next is no way to raise a child either. Good luck!

artsy..

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